Saturday, April 13, 2013

What do I do when I don't feel like loving God?

First of all, I would like to point out that loving God is innate. It is not something that we have to work for, or acquire as we live "godly" lives. Remember that we are spirits living in a mortal body and God is a spirit, actually he is the Father of all spirits (Hebrews 12:9) and His Spirit pours His Love into our hearts (Romans 5:5);  it is a natural yearning of our spirits to love God. So, this post isn't about how to eventually fall in love with God, not like there is anything like that. 

In the Bible, David talked about his yearning for God in his psalms saying "deep calls unto deep at the roar of your waterfalls; all your breakers and your waves have gone over me" (Psalm 42:7) and how much he yearns for God's Presence saying "better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked." (Psalm 84:10).

However, it does happen that we Christians, God's children, have moments when we feel like we don't love Him. I think this is something many of us are faced with as we live busy lives and fill our days with worry; sad, but true. And it does not help that there is a foe hellbent on a pull-down ministry where he looks for who is weak, who is alone and who may give an opportunity to him. And then, there is our flesh with its deceit and its desire for all things that lead to death (There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death (Proverbs 14:12)).

At the end of the day, with all these working against Christians, it is unfortunate that "the way" becomes unappealing and our communion with God feels clouded with guilt and never-ending resolutions to do better. But, we have to realize that although God hates sin, He loved us while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8). Also, Jesus made it clear that He did not come for the flawless, "Healthy people don't need a doctor - sick people do. I have not come to call those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners." (Mark 2:17).

Therefore, while it is not encouraging to feel unloving towards God, it has got be encouraging to know that He loves us dearly, without wavering, even when we falter. That why He says though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes. (Proverbs 24:16). I love how the New Living Translation puts it: The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.

The reason we don't stay down, lie down or feel guiltless in sin is because our spirits love Him. It is because He is there for us and it is because we have already overcome. Therefore, our spirit by His Spirit, will always yearn for better, for growth.

In conclusion, I would like to leave two points. Firstly, the whole of creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time, we also, as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness, for we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. (Romans 8:22-30). Therefore, you are already predestined, called, justified and glorified. It's like Jesus said "I have ordained you to bear much fruits, and that your fruit will remain" [You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you. (John 15:16)]. Both passages are so deep, I would not even speak more on that. The whole point is: quit worrying.

Secondly, we operate by the Spirit and not our feelings. So when you don't "feel" like you love God, keep praising, keep singing, keep reading the bible, keep engaging God's Spirit and watch the Spirit in action. You'll discover pretty quickly that the Spirit of God that dwells in you yearns jealously for you (James 4:5).

All the best!!!

Saturday, March 30, 2013


NEW POST!!! (Finally!)

Happy new year! Happy Easter! Happy new month! Lol

I know its been a loooong while, I'm going to cut down on my absences from this blog, the breaks are getting way too much. Oh well, I'm going to get straight to the point on this one. Can't wait to put this out there.

Deuteronomy 6:5 (GOD’S WORD Translation (GWT))
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.

This verse used to feel like a command. Like a "you must love me, else you're doomed" kind of order. But it really isn't so. See, the one you love is the one you try to please, the one who try to please deliberately is the one you become like.

The reality is that the enemy keeps doing all he can to draw us away from loving God, such that even without trying to "un-love" God it starts to feel that way pretty quickly when we are not making a deliberate disciplined effort to stay connected with Him. For many, after a few days of not worshiping, just reading a verse or making a journal entry feels like a chore. It starts to feel like there is no delight in doing that anymore.

Really, the "delight" in God or in His Word is not really gone. It is still there because God's Spirit is still in you and around you. But when your heart is slowly turning cold, it can feel like God has left you. But that's impossible and a lie the enemy uses against Christians. God cannot leave you, He is always aware about you and deeply interested in you. Even when you're unfaithful, he cannot deny Himself, he is still faithful (2 Timothy 2:13). He knows you need to get out of sin quickly so you don't destroy yourself and He's going to keep trying till He gets to you. Really, just surrendering and leaving it all to Him in humility can bring that love back in one's heart.

We exist because of God. Like your baby is a part of you, formed out of your form, so are we formed out of God's form. His Organs, His Cells, His Skeleton, His Thoughts, His Mannerisms, His Laughter, His Smile; Our DNA is His DNA. If I don't love the one I am like, I end up the opposite of my true version, the devil. I may not understand it, but God refers to liars as the children of their father, the devil. That may seem harsh, but He is pointing out one fact. How you act shows your father, your model, your love and the one you become like.

In essence, that verse is not a command from an egomaniac It is a strong admonition from a Daddy who dearly loves me and knows it is easy for me to get carried away that who/what I love affects my eternity. And life happens that way because I am made in his image, Love (God is Love, 1 John 4:8), so love ends up determining a lot in this life.

The conclusion of the matter is this: who I love determines who I become, who I become determines what I reap, whether Life or death. So make a very conscious decision to Love the LORD especially since there is a being out there trying to make your heart cold towards Him.

Now I feel like I need to put up a post on loving God (sigh...)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The heart wants what the heart wants...

It's True. But how did we come to subconsciously accept this as right?

I had the opportunity (thank God!) to deal with an unexpected heart situation that led to a somewhat difficult decision. Not going to into details, but it was a situation that was so right, so perfect, but when I came to God for the approval that I expected, the first thing I heard was "You know I want what's best for you...". That first line shook me so hard, my heart froze and the rest of what God was saying I just could not catch.

God did not leave me though, He was still there answering my prayers and just sticking with me, but by His grace, He got me to a point of surrender, where I needed to rest in Him and have a honest heart-to-heart conversation with Him. 

He told me to read Psalm 81. My heart melted, but see, the hardness did not just leave. But I did notice one thing, as I responded to God in prayers and in my actions, my mind shifted. I learned an important lesson. The Spirit helps us as we respond to God in obedience. At the end of the day, it is really not us doing the "obedience", but the Spirit of God in us. He however leaves us with the right to choose to stop obeying and to return to a stiff, hardened, in-submissive heart.

This is where we have to be extra careful, because the devil would not let the thoughts of what you wanted or why it was ok to have whatever it was, to just leave you. We have to remain yielded in the Spirit to God and then the devil would flee. "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." (James 4:7,

Finally, the heart may want what it wants, but at the end of the day, " "Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"--but I will not be mastered by anything." (1 Corinthians 6:12, So what are you struggling with? Or what are you struggling to ask God about in the first place? He only wants the best for you, so rest secure in His love and let go of that covetousness in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Thursday, October 6, 2011


Hello Everyone!!! anyone here? Lol

I feel like such a jerk :). I haven't been on here in ageeessss...I apologize really, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who reads this blog and comes back to check if I just fell off the planet. I didn't. I just became...I don't know...

But I'm sorry :)

Ok, so let's get right into it! (Rubs palms together).

I'm so excited because this is one of those things that we get (understand), but run off and pretty much forget. I just can't wait to get it out and see what the Holy Spirit brings out of me (that's my fav part of blogging with God, and ok, I'll stop with the parenthesis).

Ok, so just look at this verse, a close look at this one:

17Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by man, but by my Father in heaven. 18And I tell you that you are Peter (AKA Rock, as in BOULDER),c and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hadesd will not overcome it.e 19I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will bef bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will beg loosed in heaven.” (Matthew 16: 17-19, NIV, lifted from

So pretty much, Jesus and his close friends aka disciples aka people like moi :D were having a conversation. So Jesus, out of nowhere asks a seemingly random question. And Peter opens his mouth and said something that was like 'wow' (for lack of a better word to capture the essence of what just happened). Now, for been-in-Sunday-school-all-my-life people like me, we don't get that. Like, how did he NOT know that Jesus is the Son of God, that's so trivial, right? Wrong!

See, when Jesus lived among men, it was at a time that God swore that the Jews would pretty much be blind to him, with a veil over them that though they hear, they would not understand because He was pretty much frustrated with their attitude towards Him and His Holiness. They just didn't care that the Holy One was in their midst and had no respect or honor towards God. They dabbled into idolatry, threw their kids into fire for sacrifice, had temple prostitutes (male and female) as an excuse to be horny and look religious while at it. They desecrated His temple, but the main thing that really got to God, that I get from scripture in general, was that they shed innocent blood; prophets, kids, poor and oppressed people, and from their perspective they were doing no wrong. Pretty much, their hearts were stone-hard, dark and farrrr, very far from God. But see, these were not gentiles. They were sworn to God by an everlasting covenant that they walked into over and over again by themselves - with Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Ezra/Nehemiah, David, Solomon. Like this was a serious contract. And they always said "let our blood be upon us and upon our children if we ever deviate from the words of this covenant". Pretty intense clause to add huh?

Well, being the Israelites that they were at that time, they were stubborn and unashamed (God's words not mine, even made an allusion to them being whores without remorse - I love my bible, no jokes). But this is pretty serious stuff.

Well anyways, they were living in "darkened" times by the time the Messiah was on earth. Revelation was scarce. And they couldn't recognize God talking unless it was a pharisee with his all flowing, elegant robes who said, "Thus says the Lord...". But they weren't really alarmed because, one, they were in many ways "unfamiliar with/strangers to" God (and oblivious to it), and so they could talk about Him, but just not know him and two, they were children/servants/descendants of Moses - you have to be a bible reader to get this.

Well, so God himself was in their midst. They could tell "Jesus" was God-related, but they couldn't tell it was God himself. And no one would be able to by their flesh and blood (brains and ogbon), unless God revealed it.

So Simon, just replied Jesus' "random" question and as I can imagine kinda like an eager 3rd grader who answered a question before anyone could put up their hands. Then Jesus let him know, he was right, but more than that, it did not come from him, but directly from Heaven. But here's where it gets really interesting...

...and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hadesd will not overcome it.e 19I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will bef bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will beg loosed in heaven.

Hmm. And on this rock I will build my church. What rock? Revelation that comes from the Father. Simple.

Now, let me slow down. Peter just had a gush of revelation. Then Jesus called him by a new name that means seriously, huge, strong, not easily broken, boulder rock. And Jesus goes on and says He will build his church i.e. Me (and of course Christians) on this rock, which would never be overcome by the gates of hell - think war, battle, heavy fighting from the devil. It would simply be like a speck of dust that gets blown away before it tries to get near you. Do you get it?

Let me go over again, cos I'm just too excited. Ok, so Jesus lets us know that revelation is as a boulder rock (remember the parable about the two men, one built his house on sand, the other on the rock, and when the winds came (gates of hell), it could not prevail against it. The one on sand of course crashed, it couldn't even stand a chance). But Jesus goes further the we would be built based on the revelation we get from Heaven. The more Revelation we get, no matter how contrary the physical seem, it would not shake us one bit and we would overcome all that gets thrown our way. But also, we get the authority to speak this Revelation back into the realm of the Spirit, and what ever we bind on earth would be bound in heaven and whatever we loose on earth would be loosed in heaven. Don't know about you but that kind of authority is pretty neat!

So, now you see, it is one thing to hear your pastor say something and you go and quote it. It's another to hear God tell you something, you get the revelation for it and speak it, stand upon it, decree and declare and shake the foundations of the earth that what you declare becomes established.

Wow, it feels good to be a Child of the Most High. No jokes, I'm a special kind of VIP. A vvvvvvvvip.

I'm so excited, but let me leave with these two scriptures. Leave your thoughts in the box below I want to keep talking about this.

It is the glory of God that hides the word, and the glory of the King that seeks for (investigate, search out, uncover, reveal) the word. (Proverbs 25:2, Aramaic bible in plain English, from, with my extras in the bracket)

He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach (create the knowledge principle in) you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. (Deut 8:3, NIV, from

Phew...I did get something out, but I feel like I haven't even scratched the surface.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Speaking in tongues

1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth 2 And the earth was without form and void and darkness was upon the face of the deep And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters 3 And God said... (Genesis 1)

Speaking in tongues. This is one area that the church has misled many believers. I`m not going in to tackle the issues, at least not right now. But I`m going to try to write about it as God has taught me, and I`ll only go as far as I know.

One thing that I misunderstood about speaking in tongues was that it wasn't for everybody. That some people can and some people cannot speak in tongues. And if you wanted to speak in tongues, you needed some spiritual "maturity". I put that in quotes because in retrospect, I did not understand that either.

True, there is a connection between speaking in tongues and your spiritual maturity, much like a connection with warriors skillfully wielding their swords. Also, God does not 'discriminate' between those who can and cannot speak in tongues. As Dr. Creflo Dollar put it, it wasn`t as though the Corithians could speak in tongues but the Ephesians could not. No, it is an ability you get as a born again christian, having received that Life-giving Spirit within you; it is the evidence of the Spirit of God.

As God's kids, we are just like Him. We create, move things around with our words. How many of you see the effects of your self-confessions in your lives? Both the good and the bad. That is why God tells us to guard our hearts with all diligence because out of it flows all the issues of life. How? By our tongues - the power of life and death is in the tongue. That is why the bible says the one who has control over his tongue has control over his body.

But allow me to focus on something very special about the Holy Spirit within us.

The spirit of man is the lamp of the LORD, searching all the innermost parts of his being (Proverbs 20:27)...the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God. 11For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. (1 Corinthians 2)

When God said in Christ we have become of the same Spirit, bone and flesh of God, he wasn't joking. As born again christians, we are intimated connected with God. Paul even calls this a deep mystery. The depths is deeper than any revelation you get about a marriage convenant.

But see, this bond between man and God isn't there for nothing. Praying in the Holy Ghost is literally praying in the Holy Ghost. It is amazing. The full power and presence of God praying in you and through you with perfect knowledge, perfect understanding and perfect words.

There is no need to trivialize things into "well, we don't know all things, so God prays through us". It is true, but it is not the big picture. See that oneness, unity and bond between the creator and the created creating together. If God is for us, who really can be against us? With God, we have overwhelming victory in all things.

When I, by the grace of God speak in tongues, I come against all powers of darkness, gods and dominions causing things that are not of God in my life and even beyond me to move. I move with the Father. In short, I'm with Abba running things lol.

But seriously, speaking in tongues in part of your identity as the new man under the second Adam. We are different from what we've known, the bible says peculiar, so don't let the devil tell you lies about what you can do, or cannot do.

"...put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him" (Colossians 3:10). We are growing to become like God, so lay hold of all God has for you, get into praying in the Holy Ghost.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Faith, My Rose

Ahhh...what a wonderful day today is already!

Now, where do I start? Let me start from Sunday.

My church CWL ( invited a powerful man of God and his wife, also a powerful woman of God, Prophet Yul Crawford and Mrs. Jane Crawford, over for the weekend. They were going to preach, teach, minister and whatever else as the Spirit directs over four different sessions.

I guess for some reason, the devil was mighty bothered. All of a sudden, from absolutely nowhere, and I mean, NOwhere, I became the target of what the MFM G.O. would call "arrows". At first, someone for no reason was just generally angry with me and she knew she had no cause but she was just too pissed. A scripture kept coming to my mind, that the one who does not guard his heart is like a city without walls, open to plunderers and raiders. I knew the devil was planting seeds in her heart, but I didn't want to pray for her, I didn't want to intercede because I was getting upset by her attitude myself...wrong move!!!

Next, someone else, on a sunday morning, right in front of the garage door on my way out to church was explaining to me, why my church is not "good" and why I should find somewhere else to worship. He was saying this calmly but I could hear the devil and I knew what he (the devil) was up to, but I still didn't pray....double wrong move....again!!!

Church service ends, and I must say I was so blessed by the ministration, however, my heart started to feel a sharp, deep agony within it and I knew the Holy Spirit wanted me to contend in the Spirit for something, but I just wasn't too bothered.

I just have to stop now and ask myself what on earth I was thinking???? Who does that????

Now, as I'm driving home, I start mumbling some words out as I prayed in tongues, but I just wasn't "in" it.

I get home and AAAALL hell breaks loose. My goodness, no human heart, being or soul can take, endure or go through all I took. After all was said and done, I said I'm sorry (for nothing I did by the way) and I got back "sorry for yourself". Jesus! I felt the old me leaping up wanting to go all out and set the record straight...but I found myself going to my room.

Fast forward to evening, I went for the last session with the prophets and my goodness, the Presence of God was all over, I was at peace and just happy. All that happened earlier just didn't matter. On my drive home, I started to feel that agony, and I started to pray in tongues, but this time I was "in". I was screaming and breaking down strongholds like a warrior, it was ridiculous. I'm thinking to myself, where did all that come from, because I just do not pray like that. It just had never happened like that before. And I tell you, my peace was GREAT.

I knew I had victory, over what I did not know. But I knew something was happening and something had happened.

And so, from the weekend till last night, it has been from one attack to another with the devil trying so hard to steer me dangerously off the course God was walking with me on, but God is faithful. He would give you the right and timely Word before the situation happens, so your thinking is perfectly aligned with His heart and nothing can harm you. The devil tried all tricks, he pulled it all, things that I ordinarily would have given into, he threw them at me and with such vehement force but in all I was (and still am) an overcomer and had soooo much peace. I don't want to go into details but there are some words that people would say to you that would always get you when they are said. You can't explain it, but once it comes out it would sting. Usually, it's because of an old wound or memory that you've probably forgotten. Or it could be a way of thinking that could be used to attack you that just always gets you. But in all, my heart felt wrapped in a cocoon of peace.

But this morning, I decided to do something different. I decided to go to church and then the library, and skip on work completely. I walked to a church that is about 20mins away from home, asked to use the sanctuary and was let in. Afterwards, I was asked to come into an office, and my goodness, it was perfect. It had a nice desk and some chairs and a bible on the table and enough room for me to lie down if I wanted, cry it I wanted, scream if I wanted. My heart said, and I believe it was the Holy Spirit, "God always provides for His own".

I put my stuff on the chairs and sat on the floor. I needed to empty myself and let Papa take control. You know, even though God gives you peace in the middle of a tornado, the devil would remind you and throw flashbacks to your soul that you may be wounded. I wasn't having it, and the only way I knew to handle that is to lay before God completely. I did not know how long I was going to be there, but I was just going to stay.

So, something like a psalm came out my heart. How many of you know that sometimes, when you can't muster up the exact words to pray, the most beautiful words flow out of your spirit...yep, it's God's. Talk about being "intimate", it was perfect, I wish I wrote it down. And then, the tears came.

I then went through the bible on the desk listlessly, ended up at Galatians and just left it. I grabbed my laptop and listened to an old sermon by Dr. Creflo Dollar. Even when I didn't know what I was doing, God was directing my steps.

I have listened to this sermon before, but this time, I heard it differently. I suggest you give it a listen.

So, I return to the still open bible on the table, and guess what passage it is on?

Life by the Spirit

16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.

19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. (Galatians 5: 16-26, NIV, lifted from

Need I say more? God was leading me to walk according to His wisdom and will in this situation because of my peace, not because I wanted "vindication", or to "heap coals of fire" on the heads of those who offended me, but because of me.

I needed to do good in oneness with the Spirit of God within me, leading me that I may through His grace, establish peace and prosperity in my home. That shalom and wholeness may be found where the devil had intended for factions and cracked walls. But at the "foundation" of my action(s), I must walk in oneness with God's Spirit, completely, and when I do, there's no room for the flesh.

So, how does a rose come in?

Well, as I packed my things to leave the church office I was in, and let me add, God's Presence was so strong in that room, a lady came up to the door and said "hello!". I smiled and said hello back. Then she said, that someone gave her a rose yesterday, that she didn't have anything to do with it and when she saw me, something told her to give it to me, and that I should be free to come back anytime I wanted. This was after a lady came in to pray for/with me and everything she said was on point! Don't you just love God?

But, let me finish, about the rose...a couple of months back, I was walking to the subway on my way back from work and I saw a man dressed in his waiter uniform, the kind they wear in french restaurants, and he carried a bouquet of roses. It looked oh so romantic, like it was right out of a movie. Then I said to God in my heart, "God, I would really like someone to get me flowers".

And when I wasn't watching, my heavenly Father got me a rose. The exact flower I wanted.

Isn't it lovely? I know, the first picture doesn't do it justice. Pardon me, I took the pictures with my computer's webcam.

Can I just say I LOVE GOD? When you know God loves you, everyone else is "jara".

It's going to be a lovely day...

Oh dear, the devil just lost another one...hehehe....another battle, I mean.

Yep, I named this rose Faith. Lovely name init? No, I am not British and I never use that word, just FYI, lol!

So, I guess the point of this post is that God's love is perfect. His arms are the best, His heart is the best, His wisdom is unsearchable, His peace is without end. And He has chosen to freely pour it out on us. So, pay no attention to those "arrows". Distractions are just what they are...distractions. Do not give them space in your heart.

God's blessings,


Saturday, January 1, 2011

It's a new year!!!

Happy new year everyone!!!

First off, I am so grateful to God for a wonderful 2010 and I am so looking forward to 2011 and all that He is going to do and accomplish through me in all areas of my life.

A HUGE thank you to all my blog followers. I am sooo grateful for all y'all. I know I don't acknowledge followers on this blog as much, but I really want you all to know I am grateful for your presence on this blog, your comments, your words and thoughts - they are all very "impactful"...and in a good way.

I wish you all the best of the new year in your friendships, family, work, education....everything!

God bless you all and cheers to a new, fruitful year!