Hello Y'all!!!
It's been a long minute. Bloggers try oh, it's a real responsibility to this, some even do it daily. My hat's off to you.
Oh well, I would like to share some of the songs that I play every now and then. See, this is important for me because when I started to pursue the knowledge of God and desire intimacy with Him, I found that I didn't like the worship songs that came my way because they were well...worship songs. Now, I'm not a huge rap fan, but bobby jones gospel wasn't really me either. It didn't take long for me to play my "regular" songs back then, that was what...about this time a year ago? Anyways, fast forward to now and I see how lust and sexual immorality can breed within us off the songs we listen to. I used to laugh it off, but I know it for sure now! Oh did I mention how I went clubbing in Lagos this past Christmas and well, lol, I could not club, I just couldn't do it. I could literally hear demons speak through the songs, I wanted to fleeeee...Ok, let me chill and tell you guys the whole story.
Ok, So the day before Christmas eve, I remember b/c as my mom says, you cannot cheat sleep, and I learned that very well that day b/c "men of God" (ok, well, I guess they are) came in early in the morning and I had to come downstairs after roughly 2 hrs of sleep b/c I had just come in from clubbing, and my oh my, they had come to pray EARLY, ok 8 am, but still...and before I knew it, guests were coming in like crazy (we had a party that day), so I didn't go back to sleep till late, and I mean LATE. In fact I was in the middle of a friendly Canada vs. UK argument and I don't know how, what or when, but I just got up, went upstairs, and sleeeeppppptttt!!!. The next day, I saw my friend, she was in shock that I could just leave her like that and sleep, lol eya!
Back to the story! Lol, so, my sister comes in and tells me my neighbor and some friends are going out, I'm like cool...
She then asks if I'm coming. Now, I know one of them already thinks I'm a snob, and by the way, I was feeling restless so I said to myself, why not? Killing two birds w one stone right?
So, I get dressed, we leave at midnight because, instead of getting dressed right after my sister came in, I fell asleep, only to wake up when everyone was downstairs. I should have know that was a sign and just allowed myself to sleep peacefully but no...
So we leave, and ok, I'm not too good with the names of streets in Lagos, but I can describe it well well lol. Ok, so u know where Tribeca is and the other street at a right angle to it when u go turning at the roundabout? The Zenith bank one? Yep, we kept on going back and forth on those two streets for roughly two hours, parking and un-parking, dealing w traffic, and dealing w the police wanting to chat up a ride full of girls...not fun!
When we got to a club, it would be drrrryyyy! Then we would leave and drive somewhere else (...no, we cannot be walking in heels like that; the distance is short when you are in a car, but when you are in heels, they are looonnggg). And as soon as we got else where, the place would be full of people...as in HUMANSSS, like a flood. The smell..ugh! Then someone would call and be like the place we just left is live, we would go back, by then it would be full of PEOPLEEEE hustling to enter...gosh! And we did that back and forth checking about about 3/4 (not sure) clubs on those two streets. Then some guys called us and said we should come to cliente (mehn, that one is full of gay people. I said it, therefore it is the official gay club), needless to say, in between very, very douchy pick-up lines, and a club full of sweating, dancing men and some women, we knew what time it was. Back to Tribeca...oh, at this point, I saw Ikechukwu and sauce-kid, I know they are supposedly hot, but they look scary in person, why was IK walking about shirtless???
Oh well, back at tribeca's gate full of people, including two agbayas in a really really nice ride lol. But seriously, a guy that old and bald with protruding stomach should not be clubbing w girls 10/15/20 years younger. Felt weird. What was even weirder, was that I just hugged a friend, and when these guys drove in, she hug him and said "Hi, UNCLE!" I could not hide it...clubbing w ur uncle in the same club??? AWKWARD!!! But I guess it's normal for some people :)
Ok, we got into Tribeca, the one people said was live about half an hour ago, and it was just...what it was. People sitting, smoking, looking pretty, looking tough, that's all. I could not hide my feelings any longer, I was hot, my make-up felt disgusting, my ankles were hurting, I was tired. Not funny at all!
So, we left, and then a friend calls and says we should come to insomnia, off to Awolowo we go and ta-da, it's LIVE...one problem, JUVIES. I felt like a major agbaya! to top it off, we got to one of those lounges on the side and my juvies from high school, and not by a year, were in there, all HIGH, LOUD and OBNOXIOUS. I hugged them and acted cool, but seriously, I was out of place. My sister who got me out to club had the most irritated look on her face by that time. My neighbor on the other hand, found it funny. She was friends with them and that was the only seating area available so we had to chill. Around 5 am (we were in there for about an hour), we head back home, but first, after trying so hard to drag my neighbor out. Worst night out ever. I told some of my friends, I guess God seriously had it in for me that night. Sorry, for those in my entourage, they had to "suffer" for me. It was a Jonah situation. They next time they went out, I didn't. I sat my ass at home, in fact, I was sleeping when they were leaving and I heard they had fun...guess my clubbing days are truly, truly officially over.
But back to the main point, while at insonmia, where all I could do was sit, I understood the power behind songs. They minister. It was like bellowing commands out to people and watching them act like a bunch of puppets. Now, I don't mean to be harsh, if you can't tell, I used to club, no I used to paarrrtayy lol. I can't remember what the song was but when it came on, it was like perversity just poured itself over the people, and let me get this point through. My Nigerian male friends in Toronto would tell u that in Toronto, the girls are wild. When you go clubbing, it's always "live". A guy said this in plain english: it disgusts him the way they flirt and club, and this guy is far from being "holy" lol. You get my point. Now, for a hot blooded Nigerian male in his 20s to say that, you realize the "background in clubbing" I had in mind, so to see these people go off like that, it was...different. And when the song wound down, the "thing" whatever it was that was in the air was still there but it was like coming out of a climax. I was done, I was ready to goooo. Songs do minister to people's soul.
I remember my first couple of months and when God was leading me off the songs on my playlist, I fought it hard. Then one day, I went on youtube, I don't remember what song it was but as soon as I began to play it, I felt a shift in my insides. Even my lower waist that I wasn't paying any attention to prior to when I played the song felt so sexy, all I wanted to do was whine. I wanted to CLUB. By the way, I don't pay particular attention to any body part, but in that moment, it felt, for a lack of a better word, highlighted.
Pretty much, what you feed the spirit of your mind do matter, and that said, here are some of the songs that I would like to share:
BeBe and CeCe Winans - Grace: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEU86TsUDWE
Tye Tribbett and the GA - Son of Man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzQuwfoeTx8
Tye Tribbett and the GA - Chasing after you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrDqi7HQzUc
Misty Edwards - Arms wide open : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ZCIp0HiRo
Knine - Never Alone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TDCGdwcsOM
The Ambassador - Gimme that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rytwGHd3iDw
Paul Wilbur - Let the weight of your glory: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68vJoH3GLJo
Paul Wilbur - For your name is Holy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6FE8d05vpE
Manafest - Everytime you run: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-egyFN9aS0
Manafest - Avalanche: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QfhhbRy05A
Chris Tomlin - How great is our God: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OsyiGgSlqY&feature=fvw
Chris Tomlin - Indescribable: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-zJHgaoVa4
Paul Wilbur - Days of Elijah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra4HWj1jrJA
Paul Wilbur - The Shout of El Shaddai: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDhIOpnyVZE&feature=related
Donnie McClurkin - I call you Faithful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VMAdu-HKQ8
Donnie McClurkin - We fall down: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0tX_ctp0Gs
Flame - To my heart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Stl1W2ArK-Y
Marvin Sapp - Never could have made it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWrGjzBheno
Vicki Yohe - Because of who you are: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6WexG9uAJI&feature=related
unknown - Draw me close to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLNL49TFC_8&feature=fvw
Hillsong - We the redeemed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzDLLd21FjU
Hillsong - Yahweh:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRIRrMcVb6I
Hillsong - I will exalt You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoUy88Pcf90
Hillsong - And his glory appears: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVNWCATP1WU
Hillsong - desert song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE33ejdgWIY
Hillsong - All I need is you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-UDWk6e_aE
Todd Bangz - Not for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7rd3us-mBE
Todd Bangz - Breathe you last (can't find it on utube)
Phanatik - Shot Clock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZXQQ0_hiyI
Hillsong (Brooke Fraser) - Nothing but the blood of Jesus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=iBlAD3lxRrc
Ahhhh.......there's more, but dang, that's a lot!
And finally, check out this site: www.myspiritualchemistry.com
Monday, March 15, 2010
I am naked before you (My heart is fragile)
My heart...
My real heart...
The one that's hidden, deeply buried underneath the clothes, the external gestures, the words that come out of my seemingly harmless lips, underneath the icy, sometimes ambiguous eyes, clothed beneath layers of Nefertiti-like pride. That heart is fragile.
Fragile because she is precious,
she wishes to remain unmaimed,
she wishes to love and be loved
but never feel pain, never know loss, insecurity, hurt.
But she is not hidden from you,
and if I think her to be extremely precious, you deem her to be worth more.
You deem me to be worth more.
What can I give in exchange for a soul? All the wealth of the world?
Why did you create man to be so? Is that your image?
Is that how you are? How you feel?
Then you must be brave to love me.
To love us all.
My real heart...
The one that's hidden, deeply buried underneath the clothes, the external gestures, the words that come out of my seemingly harmless lips, underneath the icy, sometimes ambiguous eyes, clothed beneath layers of Nefertiti-like pride. That heart is fragile.
Fragile because she is precious,
she wishes to remain unmaimed,
she wishes to love and be loved
but never feel pain, never know loss, insecurity, hurt.
But she is not hidden from you,
and if I think her to be extremely precious, you deem her to be worth more.
You deem me to be worth more.
What can I give in exchange for a soul? All the wealth of the world?
Why did you create man to be so? Is that your image?
Is that how you are? How you feel?
Then you must be brave to love me.
To love us all.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
OPEN HEART SURGERY by James MacDonald
I want to share from my devotional, hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.
Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.
Hebrews 3:7-8
I had heart surgery this week. Not the blood-pumping, valve-oriented, physical kind; my soul went under the scalpel that pierces the soul and judges the thoughts and intentions of the heart. The passage I was looking at was in Mark 4, the parable of the sower and soils. This story is about one thing - how the Word of God intersects a person's heart.
Jesus compares our hearts to different conditions of soil. The first is the hard heart: "These are the ones who are beside the road where the Word is sown; and when they hear, immediately Satan comes and the Word which has been sown in them" (Mark 4:15, NASB). Maybe you can relate. Do you find yourself saying, "I read God's Word and an hour later I can't remember what it said"? Diagnosis: You have a hard heart. The soil is so packed down that as soon as the seed is sown, the enemy snatches it away.
"But how did my heart get so hard?" Consider these four ways:
The first way to harden your heart is to run. If when you feel convicted by God's Word you say, "I don't want this" and shut down, after a while your heart's going to get hard.
Another way to harden your heart is to deny what you hear. You know that God wants you to forgive people who hurt you, but you refuse to. Instead you carry around a bag of bitterness, denying or rationalizing why God's command doesn't apply to you.
Maybe your heart's distracted. You hear God's Word but you think about someone else who needs it instead.
But here's what concerns me most: sometimes your heart is hardened by apathy. You say "amen" in church or, "Yes, pastor, what you're teaching is true and we really need to hear it," but then you go out and do nothing about it.
How willing are you to receive truth and sort through whatever you have to in order to get to the parts that God would say to you? The test is how you respond to truth.
So if your heart is open, I encourage you to do a self-exam. Ask God to show you your heart's condition and give you insight into how you might grow. This kind of heart surgery brings healing and life. Receive the seed of God's truth; allow it to sink into the soft soil of a tender heart toward God.
Journal:
What's the condition of my heart? Hard? Distracted? Apathetic?
How willing am I to receive truth?
Prayer:
Lord, do what You must to break up the hard ground around my heart. Show me where I must humble myself and then help me to do it.
I want your healing and life inside of me. Thank You in advance for the fullness of Your Spirit alive in me. Amen.
By James MacDonald. Open Heart Surgery in Our Journey (November 2009).
The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever
The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether,
More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
Moreover by them Your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward.
Psalm 19:7-11
Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.
Hebrews 3:7-8
I had heart surgery this week. Not the blood-pumping, valve-oriented, physical kind; my soul went under the scalpel that pierces the soul and judges the thoughts and intentions of the heart. The passage I was looking at was in Mark 4, the parable of the sower and soils. This story is about one thing - how the Word of God intersects a person's heart.
Jesus compares our hearts to different conditions of soil. The first is the hard heart: "These are the ones who are beside the road where the Word is sown; and when they hear, immediately Satan comes and the Word which has been sown in them" (Mark 4:15, NASB). Maybe you can relate. Do you find yourself saying, "I read God's Word and an hour later I can't remember what it said"? Diagnosis: You have a hard heart. The soil is so packed down that as soon as the seed is sown, the enemy snatches it away.
"But how did my heart get so hard?" Consider these four ways:
The first way to harden your heart is to run. If when you feel convicted by God's Word you say, "I don't want this" and shut down, after a while your heart's going to get hard.
Another way to harden your heart is to deny what you hear. You know that God wants you to forgive people who hurt you, but you refuse to. Instead you carry around a bag of bitterness, denying or rationalizing why God's command doesn't apply to you.
Maybe your heart's distracted. You hear God's Word but you think about someone else who needs it instead.
But here's what concerns me most: sometimes your heart is hardened by apathy. You say "amen" in church or, "Yes, pastor, what you're teaching is true and we really need to hear it," but then you go out and do nothing about it.
How willing are you to receive truth and sort through whatever you have to in order to get to the parts that God would say to you? The test is how you respond to truth.
So if your heart is open, I encourage you to do a self-exam. Ask God to show you your heart's condition and give you insight into how you might grow. This kind of heart surgery brings healing and life. Receive the seed of God's truth; allow it to sink into the soft soil of a tender heart toward God.
Journal:
What's the condition of my heart? Hard? Distracted? Apathetic?
How willing am I to receive truth?
Prayer:
Lord, do what You must to break up the hard ground around my heart. Show me where I must humble myself and then help me to do it.
I want your healing and life inside of me. Thank You in advance for the fullness of Your Spirit alive in me. Amen.
By James MacDonald. Open Heart Surgery in Our Journey (November 2009).
The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever
The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether,
More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
Moreover by them Your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward.
Psalm 19:7-11
Psalm 21
This Princess shall have joy in Your strength, O Lord;
and in Your salvation how greatly shall I rejoice!
You have given me my heart's desire,
and have not withheld the request of my lips.
For You meet me with the blessings of goodness;
You set a crown of pure gold upon my head.
I asked Life from You, and You gave it to me-
Length of days forever and ever.
My glory is great in Your salvation;
honor and majesty you have placed upon me.
For You have made me most blessed forever;
You have made me exceedingly glad with You presence.
For this Princess trusts in the Lord,
and through the mercy of the Most High I shall not be moved
Be exalted, O Lord, in Your own strength!
We will sing and praise Your power.
You are beautiful!
and in Your salvation how greatly shall I rejoice!
You have given me my heart's desire,
and have not withheld the request of my lips.
For You meet me with the blessings of goodness;
You set a crown of pure gold upon my head.
I asked Life from You, and You gave it to me-
Length of days forever and ever.
My glory is great in Your salvation;
honor and majesty you have placed upon me.
For You have made me most blessed forever;
You have made me exceedingly glad with You presence.
For this Princess trusts in the Lord,
and through the mercy of the Most High I shall not be moved
Be exalted, O Lord, in Your own strength!
We will sing and praise Your power.
You are beautiful!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
For the love of the Father...!
The love of the Father. I’ve wondered how exactly I’m going to write about this because it is the easiest, yet the hardest thing to get. So, I decided to sit it out for a bit, and focus on every other thing I have to do, which is a lot. Then my aunt comes home one day and says: “You have not put anything up!” That’s when I knew the sitting out was done. But even now, I still do not know how to get it out right.
Anyways, let’s start with this passage, Ezekiel 14: 1 – 5:
1 Now some of the elders of Israel came to me and sat before me. 2 And the word of the LORD came to me, saying, 3 “Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their hearts, and put before them that which causes them to stumble into iniquity. Should I let Myself be inquired of at all by them? 4 “Therefore speak to them, and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: “Everyone of the house of Israel who sets up his idols in his heart, and puts before him what causes him to stumble into iniquity, and then comes to the prophet, I the LORD will answer him who comes, according to the multitude of his idols, 5 that I may seize the house of Israel by their heart, because they are all estranged from Me by their idols.”’
Isn’t that typical of present day Christianity? We come to God’s presence, not thinking there is anything wrong with us, yet we harbor idols in our hearts. It’s not about physical idols; it’s the inner idols. Forget TV and fashion and all the things they teach in Sunday school. I’m talking about us. We are our own idols. The images we ascribe to, our visions for our future, in our interactions with people, from that cute boy/girl to the ignorant/annoying person you cannot stand. In our own way, we have become our idols, and we sacrifice the wealth, health and many blessings God has given us to worship ourselves, like real idol worshippers do. Just stop to think about it. We are not very conscious of ‘Self’, that we do not know when we cross that line, but we do that under the guise of making good impressions when we know it’s to attract whatever it is we wish to attract, or to put someone in their place, or to feed into this image of ourselves we’ve created. Either way, our minds finds itself revolving around this image of “self”, the god we are not conscious of. A bit too deep eh?
It’s ok to have aspirations and dreams, and we MUST beautify ourselves, ain’t nothing wrong with wigs and weaves and a bit of color here and there. We must have self-esteem and love ourselves for sure, but we do it, most times, to ascribe to this image of ourselves we have created. Remember in revelation, how Jesus was admonishing the church in Ephesus? They were Christians, and goods ones too. In fact, Jesus said they could not bear those who were evil, but they had departed from their first love even while doing the things they should with all of their might. If you ask me, I think they got the highest mark among the other 6 churches. They loved the things of God, but the love of God? Their first love? It was slowly being replaced by the love for something else. As God puts it, we draw near to Him with our mouths, but our hearts are far off. It may not be self, however, I choose to focus on self in this post because it is the common god that we are unaware of.
I got to understand this a while ago when I was battling the seeming dilemma between self-esteem and pride on one hand, and the love of the Father on the other. I am not snobby and intolerant of people, but God was constantly talking to me about pride and I just did not get. Over time, as He led me, He showed me I treated myself exactly as I described above, and this had a spillover effect on the way I treated others. Then I was worried! Not because I did not want to listen to God, but I felt that the unraveling I needed to do was at the expense of my image. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like than the lady I know I am when I’m feeling and looking my worst. I just felt that it is impossible to love God and to not love myself, and in the process, end up ‘worshiping’ myself like I did. Then I came across this verse 1 John 2:15-16:
15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh (love of the world 1), the lust of the eyes (love of the world 2), and the pride of life (love of the world 3)—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.
Focus on things of the world for now. The problem was not worshiping that image of ourselves per se, but it had its roots in the love of the things of this world. From lust, to the lust for things we desire (e.g. wealth, diamonds, cars, power, highly-placed positions etc), and the pride of life (hmm!!!). Think about it, when you put on that dress and it slides and fits on you like it does, and then you put on your stilettos, do that makeup that gets you looking and feeling like a sexy diva, use that perfume or that mixture of perfumes…isn’t all that coming from the 3 things John outlines that makes up the love of the things of the world? Doesn’t it translate into everything else, from your walk, to the kind of mannerism when you talk, and even to your very persona? You know you don’t act the same way everyday, so don’t even say, my clothes do not define me. No, they don’t, but the end you seek does. We don’t even know what/why we seek, but for sure our minds are attracted to the lust for that hot co-worker (love of the world 1), lust for that position (love of the world 2), and absolute confidence in our abilities, or way of handling things or people (love of the world 3). The problem with all that, as John points out is that we do not have the love of the father in us (the two cannot coexist). Our “love for God” ends at the emotion, or the high we feel after church on Sundays. Does not really mean much.
John 5: 39-42 talks about us, not just the ancient Jews. “39 You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. 40 But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life. 41 “I do not receive honor from men. 42 But I know you, that you do not have the love of God in you”. We seek God, we seek righteousness or rather the idea of righteousness and the idea of being saved and completely forgiven; yet we lack God’s love in us. But Jesus is saying, I do not receive honor from men, he does not need our seeking and "righteousness”. What is more important for us is that we must have that love of the father IN us. Not around us, but in us. Yet we do not love him. We hear what he says to us, but we do not do it, because we do not honor him. The bible says it clearly, that we do not honor him because we do not love him.
I did not want to accept it, and in Junkie fashion, I tried to prove to God that I can still see and go about life like I’ve been doing, and it does not mean I do not love God. Now that I admit it, it sounds stupid. But that was the direction my mind immediately went, without even realizing it. Months later, I’m back to square one and trying to figure out the junk I must move out, and all the things I tolerate in my life that takes out the love of the father. Thing is the love of the father makes you want to honor him. Think about it. True love translates into honor, not infatuations, but love, the kind that comes with respect. Think about the relationship with your child, that love for your child translates into you doing things that honor that child. From picking your child’s school, monitoring your child’s friends, everything is all about honoring that child and that child’s best interests. Basically, you’ve got their back, they can rely on your love, because of the honor you have shown to them. I did not see the way my mom brought me up as honor, as my mom is a correct African woman + we see honor as something that comes with age and should be earned. And rightly so, but sometimes, we give honor to people who have not earned it (like that ex-boyfriend). The person you give honor to in your life, is the person who carries much weight in your life. From what they say, to what they do, it has a bearing on you. If my mother tells me to come home early even if I want to hang out w/people I have not seen in ages, I would cut my meeting short, not because of fear, but because I honor her. My own pleasure takes 2nd place. That kind of honor does not happen to bosses or leaders you dislike, then you are just obeying orders, but honor lies in true love and respect. And when we choose instead to love the things that war against God and what He wants in our lives, we truly do not have the love of the father in us.
Even Jesus preached it while he was on earth. If you love me, you would keep my commandment. Too often we focus on the don’ts when all Jesus says is love the Lord your God, with all your heart…and your neighbor as yourself. The command is simply to love. But we focus on fornication, lies etc, and yet do not do his will. We do not even bother to find out his will for us in every aspect of our lives, how then can he be Lord over us as we profess? It is simply to love. To love God, and other people. And if we keep His commandments, we abide in his love, just as Jesus kept the father’s commandments and abide in his love. See we cannot do the things of God without loving him, that’s why we keep sliding off.
That love is not emotional, it is genuine. It is not the infatuation many Christians have with God, it is genuine love that seeks to honor him in our lives, seeking His will and obeying Him easily. That does not happen without the love of the father.
This love, what is it? 2 John 1:6: 6 This is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, that as you have heard from the beginning, you should walk in it.
It is simple, love the father, obey him, honor him. We love those things that God opposes on a constant basis but it is natural to walk in the love of our father if we agree we were created by him, and in his image knowing he is LOVE. It is bondage to walk in sin, but in his love, shunning sin does not mean bondage. Paul puts it like this, the things of God are not troublesome but our minds have held us in bondage. That’s why we keep slipping, and feeling like a Christian today and nothing like that tomorrow. By having the love of the father in us, we seek to honor him; our minds cannot tie us down. Too often we focus on the don’ts, but how do you grow when you do not commune with him more than our daily bread. Love creates that hunger and thirst for him, his presence, his clear directions. Seek after him, it is the love for him that leads you on, but begin your search, don’t focus on getting your mind right. You’ve been trying to do that all these years, when would you realize you can’t do it yourself, and neither is it going to happen when you are married. Find him now, when he can still be found. Allow him to be as real to you as the computer in front of you.
In closing, this is my prayer for you “May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and the patience of Christ” (2 Thess 3:5). Amen.
Best of the week!
p.s. You can now follow this blog on facebook.
Anyways, let’s start with this passage, Ezekiel 14: 1 – 5:
1 Now some of the elders of Israel came to me and sat before me. 2 And the word of the LORD came to me, saying, 3 “Son of man, these men have set up their idols in their hearts, and put before them that which causes them to stumble into iniquity. Should I let Myself be inquired of at all by them? 4 “Therefore speak to them, and say to them, ‘Thus says the Lord GOD: “Everyone of the house of Israel who sets up his idols in his heart, and puts before him what causes him to stumble into iniquity, and then comes to the prophet, I the LORD will answer him who comes, according to the multitude of his idols, 5 that I may seize the house of Israel by their heart, because they are all estranged from Me by their idols.”’
Isn’t that typical of present day Christianity? We come to God’s presence, not thinking there is anything wrong with us, yet we harbor idols in our hearts. It’s not about physical idols; it’s the inner idols. Forget TV and fashion and all the things they teach in Sunday school. I’m talking about us. We are our own idols. The images we ascribe to, our visions for our future, in our interactions with people, from that cute boy/girl to the ignorant/annoying person you cannot stand. In our own way, we have become our idols, and we sacrifice the wealth, health and many blessings God has given us to worship ourselves, like real idol worshippers do. Just stop to think about it. We are not very conscious of ‘Self’, that we do not know when we cross that line, but we do that under the guise of making good impressions when we know it’s to attract whatever it is we wish to attract, or to put someone in their place, or to feed into this image of ourselves we’ve created. Either way, our minds finds itself revolving around this image of “self”, the god we are not conscious of. A bit too deep eh?
It’s ok to have aspirations and dreams, and we MUST beautify ourselves, ain’t nothing wrong with wigs and weaves and a bit of color here and there. We must have self-esteem and love ourselves for sure, but we do it, most times, to ascribe to this image of ourselves we have created. Remember in revelation, how Jesus was admonishing the church in Ephesus? They were Christians, and goods ones too. In fact, Jesus said they could not bear those who were evil, but they had departed from their first love even while doing the things they should with all of their might. If you ask me, I think they got the highest mark among the other 6 churches. They loved the things of God, but the love of God? Their first love? It was slowly being replaced by the love for something else. As God puts it, we draw near to Him with our mouths, but our hearts are far off. It may not be self, however, I choose to focus on self in this post because it is the common god that we are unaware of.
I got to understand this a while ago when I was battling the seeming dilemma between self-esteem and pride on one hand, and the love of the Father on the other. I am not snobby and intolerant of people, but God was constantly talking to me about pride and I just did not get. Over time, as He led me, He showed me I treated myself exactly as I described above, and this had a spillover effect on the way I treated others. Then I was worried! Not because I did not want to listen to God, but I felt that the unraveling I needed to do was at the expense of my image. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like than the lady I know I am when I’m feeling and looking my worst. I just felt that it is impossible to love God and to not love myself, and in the process, end up ‘worshiping’ myself like I did. Then I came across this verse 1 John 2:15-16:
15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh (love of the world 1), the lust of the eyes (love of the world 2), and the pride of life (love of the world 3)—is not of the Father but is of the world. 17 And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.
Focus on things of the world for now. The problem was not worshiping that image of ourselves per se, but it had its roots in the love of the things of this world. From lust, to the lust for things we desire (e.g. wealth, diamonds, cars, power, highly-placed positions etc), and the pride of life (hmm!!!). Think about it, when you put on that dress and it slides and fits on you like it does, and then you put on your stilettos, do that makeup that gets you looking and feeling like a sexy diva, use that perfume or that mixture of perfumes…isn’t all that coming from the 3 things John outlines that makes up the love of the things of the world? Doesn’t it translate into everything else, from your walk, to the kind of mannerism when you talk, and even to your very persona? You know you don’t act the same way everyday, so don’t even say, my clothes do not define me. No, they don’t, but the end you seek does. We don’t even know what/why we seek, but for sure our minds are attracted to the lust for that hot co-worker (love of the world 1), lust for that position (love of the world 2), and absolute confidence in our abilities, or way of handling things or people (love of the world 3). The problem with all that, as John points out is that we do not have the love of the father in us (the two cannot coexist). Our “love for God” ends at the emotion, or the high we feel after church on Sundays. Does not really mean much.
John 5: 39-42 talks about us, not just the ancient Jews. “39 You search the Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me. 40 But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life. 41 “I do not receive honor from men. 42 But I know you, that you do not have the love of God in you”. We seek God, we seek righteousness or rather the idea of righteousness and the idea of being saved and completely forgiven; yet we lack God’s love in us. But Jesus is saying, I do not receive honor from men, he does not need our seeking and "righteousness”. What is more important for us is that we must have that love of the father IN us. Not around us, but in us. Yet we do not love him. We hear what he says to us, but we do not do it, because we do not honor him. The bible says it clearly, that we do not honor him because we do not love him.
I did not want to accept it, and in Junkie fashion, I tried to prove to God that I can still see and go about life like I’ve been doing, and it does not mean I do not love God. Now that I admit it, it sounds stupid. But that was the direction my mind immediately went, without even realizing it. Months later, I’m back to square one and trying to figure out the junk I must move out, and all the things I tolerate in my life that takes out the love of the father. Thing is the love of the father makes you want to honor him. Think about it. True love translates into honor, not infatuations, but love, the kind that comes with respect. Think about the relationship with your child, that love for your child translates into you doing things that honor that child. From picking your child’s school, monitoring your child’s friends, everything is all about honoring that child and that child’s best interests. Basically, you’ve got their back, they can rely on your love, because of the honor you have shown to them. I did not see the way my mom brought me up as honor, as my mom is a correct African woman + we see honor as something that comes with age and should be earned. And rightly so, but sometimes, we give honor to people who have not earned it (like that ex-boyfriend). The person you give honor to in your life, is the person who carries much weight in your life. From what they say, to what they do, it has a bearing on you. If my mother tells me to come home early even if I want to hang out w/people I have not seen in ages, I would cut my meeting short, not because of fear, but because I honor her. My own pleasure takes 2nd place. That kind of honor does not happen to bosses or leaders you dislike, then you are just obeying orders, but honor lies in true love and respect. And when we choose instead to love the things that war against God and what He wants in our lives, we truly do not have the love of the father in us.
Even Jesus preached it while he was on earth. If you love me, you would keep my commandment. Too often we focus on the don’ts when all Jesus says is love the Lord your God, with all your heart…and your neighbor as yourself. The command is simply to love. But we focus on fornication, lies etc, and yet do not do his will. We do not even bother to find out his will for us in every aspect of our lives, how then can he be Lord over us as we profess? It is simply to love. To love God, and other people. And if we keep His commandments, we abide in his love, just as Jesus kept the father’s commandments and abide in his love. See we cannot do the things of God without loving him, that’s why we keep sliding off.
That love is not emotional, it is genuine. It is not the infatuation many Christians have with God, it is genuine love that seeks to honor him in our lives, seeking His will and obeying Him easily. That does not happen without the love of the father.
This love, what is it? 2 John 1:6: 6 This is love, that we walk according to His commandments. This is the commandment, that as you have heard from the beginning, you should walk in it.
It is simple, love the father, obey him, honor him. We love those things that God opposes on a constant basis but it is natural to walk in the love of our father if we agree we were created by him, and in his image knowing he is LOVE. It is bondage to walk in sin, but in his love, shunning sin does not mean bondage. Paul puts it like this, the things of God are not troublesome but our minds have held us in bondage. That’s why we keep slipping, and feeling like a Christian today and nothing like that tomorrow. By having the love of the father in us, we seek to honor him; our minds cannot tie us down. Too often we focus on the don’ts, but how do you grow when you do not commune with him more than our daily bread. Love creates that hunger and thirst for him, his presence, his clear directions. Seek after him, it is the love for him that leads you on, but begin your search, don’t focus on getting your mind right. You’ve been trying to do that all these years, when would you realize you can’t do it yourself, and neither is it going to happen when you are married. Find him now, when he can still be found. Allow him to be as real to you as the computer in front of you.
In closing, this is my prayer for you “May the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and the patience of Christ” (2 Thess 3:5). Amen.
Best of the week!
p.s. You can now follow this blog on facebook.
Monday, August 17, 2009
I'm a christian, I don't just feel like one
The moment I first believed, how did my heart get captured? I've tried to recollect it, kind of like the Holy Spirit pouring the love of God in our hearts as Paul describes it. Nothing is like that moment, but I hardly remember what it felt like right now.
I still do the 'basics' don't get me wrong, I try to worship, study the word, I even pray for the unsaved, even those I do not know, but I just don't feel like God is actually really really around me. I don't even know if I'm backsliding. Hell, I'm not...I don't do the things I used to..well, some, but I see those habits differently now, my mind has changed I tell you, yet I just feel OK doing them again - they just do not seem as bad, may be I took things too far thinking they were so wrong!
I was listening to Chris Tomlin's version of amazing grace this morning, and what stood out to me was that line 'the moment I first believed'. I remember the feeling I just described, and feeling that way time and time again. My journey so far has been a real roller coaster. Today, I feel saved, sanctified and Holy Ghost filled, tomorrow and may be next tomorrow I just don't care as much, as may be next week, I pray about that flu that I'm coming down with and it just vanishes. But why don't I just go from 'glory to glory'. How come I sometimes feel apathetic towards the things I was yearning for just days ago, when I vowed to never turn back. I know I did not make a conscious decision to 'turn back', but I feel as though I've lost it somehow. People tell me, "nooo, that's not you, that's the devil putting those thoughts in your head, influencing your thinking. Take authority!". But they just don't get it, they do not know I feel genuinely apathetic, even though I should know better. Some say "You got saved, but your mind is warring against you - you have to renew it everyday, die to the flesh!". Yes, but still...I don't know!
I do not have all the answers, but I know for sure I'm not the only one that has had to deal with those frustrations, and as I thought about the title for this blog, all of a sudden, 'the struggling christian' stood out to me. I had written about it a while ago in my journal, and there is a lot to say about it, but I'll try to narrow it all down.
Oh, and those advice I got, they were 'legit', but as with all the things of God, it's the Spirit that has to work within us that gets us that 'understanding' and peace. We cannot do it ourselves.
As I struggled through those moments when I thought I did something and so God has left me, and even after asking for forgiveness, I felt as though He is not coming back (I know Christianity 101 teaches otherwise, but when you feel that way, sometimes you don't believe it), I would come across scripture like "...if one walks in darkness, he stumbles, because the light is not in him" (John 11:10) and "the lamp of the body is the eye, if the eye is good, your whole body would be full of light,...if therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" (Matt. 6:23), and I would freak out! Because I don't want to be that person, but I do not know what I am doing wrong.
The Spirit has taught me, what He tried to in the above verses that I ran away from, that the mind is where it all lies. My mind (the eye with which I see the world) was bad, and so even as I grew in the things of God, I just did not carry it on the rest of the day and with time I became lost and felt disconnected. Obvious, but it was not so easy. Maybe when we read scripture like that, we do not want to believe it's us because we are good. And truly, we are, but we don't truly know ourselves, do we? We carry on the air of independence and confidence in our abilities, nice to people, we take care of haters (for lack of a 'better' word) w/out having to stoop down to their level, we generally handle our business like good, mature people/Christians. But good people does not equal godly people, and 'saved' people does not equal godly people, heck, do you even know for sure you are saved?
God puts it in a way that I like in Isaiah 28: 9-13
“ Whom will he teach knowledge? And whom will he make to understand the message?
Those just weaned from milk? Those just drawn from the breasts?
10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept,
Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little.”
11 For with stammering lips and another tongue, He will speak to this people,
12 To whom He said, “This is the rest with which you may cause the weary to rest,” And, “This is the refreshing”; Yet they would not hear.
13 But the word of the LORD was to them, “ Precept upon precept, precept upon precept, Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little,” That they might go and fall backward, and be broken and snared and caught.
This passage was so refreshing at the time I read it, that I had to ask God out loud: "so You knew?" Thing is, we have just been drawn from the breast, what ever that breast was, whatever it was that our minds were so accustomed to, we have been drawn away from it, but we just do not know exactly where we are going, or what we are doing - our minds cannot stretch beyond its present boundaries. And as we learn, we have those moments when we are actually growing in the Spirit, and we feel it, but then, it becomes repetitive, some people then 'fit God into a routine', we do not have the understanding for scripture we keep coming across, we try to analyze it ourselves, we know something is missing, something is going horribly wrong, yet we cannot place a finger on it. Our Christianity is simply: precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little, there a little.
The funny thing about it is that God says with stammering lips and another tongue, He speaks to this people. I just got the understanding right now. Basically, God keeps repeating himself like babies do, till we understand, because that is the only way that we get it, as baby Christians. He keeps saying da da, ma ma, ta ta, yet we want to fly when we do not know how to crawl. We want to quote the quoteables and break down scripture, but we are still yet to get the ta ta and the da da, and in time, we lose that fire.
But really why do we just not get it. If you read the verses before verse 9, God talks about his people, the ones set apart to be used by him (that applies to all Christians btw..) being swallowed up by wine, erring in vision, stumbling in judgment. But more than that, the tables are filthy, covered up in vomit. That is our mind. The filthy table. How can a student learn with that kind of table, the vomit would find its way to the pages of the book, making the book unreadable. We read the Word, but we do not see it, we do not understand. Our minds do not let it happen. But we go on, and inevitably, we fall backwards, become broken and snared and caught. We then want to call up our friends that a month ago we decided to spend less time with, we find ourselves back in clubs, grinding away and drinking ourselves to stupor. Some become simply restless, trying to study the Word, but it feels like beating a dead horse. Those thoughts are forming in our minds again and we are saying "get behind me satan", but uh uh...to where?
In essence, we are not bad people, but our minds are carnal. Our 'eyes' are bad, and great darkness dwells within such that we do not feel like Christians, like we did the hour we first believed. But God is looking at us, as we struggle in our own blood and saying to us 'Live!' (Ez 16). We must gird up the loins of our mind, and refuse to conform to the former lusts, as we did in the days of our ignorance (1 Peter 1:13), resisting the devil, knowing that other Christians experience the same. (1 Peter 5:8-10). But importantly, and this has helped me a lot, pray to God bluntly...stop manufacturing lines that sound like 'prayer lines' and just talk to Him. I tell God straight up, "today Lord, I feel like I'm one step away, I was even thinking about him, that him, I don't know why I do these things, but I know I shouldn't, I was thinking it throughout, but everything reminded me of him. I could even smell him, but it's all lust, now even my hormones are all worked up, I truly feel 1 step away from feeling completely lost, I don't even understand all I've read all morning, where are you? Speak peace to me, and bring me back to where I should be." That does not sound like the prayer that comes from the pulpit on Sundays, but it is a prayer. Allow yourself to be intimate w/your God, your Father. I tell you, he is reaaaaally real.
But if there's nothing else you get from this blog, get this: the need the love of the father in you. I'll talk more about that in the next blog.
And remember, it is only diligent people who find him. Enjoy the rest of your journey.
Much love!!!
I still do the 'basics' don't get me wrong, I try to worship, study the word, I even pray for the unsaved, even those I do not know, but I just don't feel like God is actually really really around me. I don't even know if I'm backsliding. Hell, I'm not...I don't do the things I used to..well, some, but I see those habits differently now, my mind has changed I tell you, yet I just feel OK doing them again - they just do not seem as bad, may be I took things too far thinking they were so wrong!
I was listening to Chris Tomlin's version of amazing grace this morning, and what stood out to me was that line 'the moment I first believed'. I remember the feeling I just described, and feeling that way time and time again. My journey so far has been a real roller coaster. Today, I feel saved, sanctified and Holy Ghost filled, tomorrow and may be next tomorrow I just don't care as much, as may be next week, I pray about that flu that I'm coming down with and it just vanishes. But why don't I just go from 'glory to glory'. How come I sometimes feel apathetic towards the things I was yearning for just days ago, when I vowed to never turn back. I know I did not make a conscious decision to 'turn back', but I feel as though I've lost it somehow. People tell me, "nooo, that's not you, that's the devil putting those thoughts in your head, influencing your thinking. Take authority!". But they just don't get it, they do not know I feel genuinely apathetic, even though I should know better. Some say "You got saved, but your mind is warring against you - you have to renew it everyday, die to the flesh!". Yes, but still...I don't know!
I do not have all the answers, but I know for sure I'm not the only one that has had to deal with those frustrations, and as I thought about the title for this blog, all of a sudden, 'the struggling christian' stood out to me. I had written about it a while ago in my journal, and there is a lot to say about it, but I'll try to narrow it all down.
Oh, and those advice I got, they were 'legit', but as with all the things of God, it's the Spirit that has to work within us that gets us that 'understanding' and peace. We cannot do it ourselves.
As I struggled through those moments when I thought I did something and so God has left me, and even after asking for forgiveness, I felt as though He is not coming back (I know Christianity 101 teaches otherwise, but when you feel that way, sometimes you don't believe it), I would come across scripture like "...if one walks in darkness, he stumbles, because the light is not in him" (John 11:10) and "the lamp of the body is the eye, if the eye is good, your whole body would be full of light,...if therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!" (Matt. 6:23), and I would freak out! Because I don't want to be that person, but I do not know what I am doing wrong.
The Spirit has taught me, what He tried to in the above verses that I ran away from, that the mind is where it all lies. My mind (the eye with which I see the world) was bad, and so even as I grew in the things of God, I just did not carry it on the rest of the day and with time I became lost and felt disconnected. Obvious, but it was not so easy. Maybe when we read scripture like that, we do not want to believe it's us because we are good. And truly, we are, but we don't truly know ourselves, do we? We carry on the air of independence and confidence in our abilities, nice to people, we take care of haters (for lack of a 'better' word) w/out having to stoop down to their level, we generally handle our business like good, mature people/Christians. But good people does not equal godly people, and 'saved' people does not equal godly people, heck, do you even know for sure you are saved?
God puts it in a way that I like in Isaiah 28: 9-13
“ Whom will he teach knowledge? And whom will he make to understand the message?
Those just weaned from milk? Those just drawn from the breasts?
10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept,
Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little.”
11 For with stammering lips and another tongue, He will speak to this people,
12 To whom He said, “This is the rest with which you may cause the weary to rest,” And, “This is the refreshing”; Yet they would not hear.
13 But the word of the LORD was to them, “ Precept upon precept, precept upon precept, Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little,” That they might go and fall backward, and be broken and snared and caught.
This passage was so refreshing at the time I read it, that I had to ask God out loud: "so You knew?" Thing is, we have just been drawn from the breast, what ever that breast was, whatever it was that our minds were so accustomed to, we have been drawn away from it, but we just do not know exactly where we are going, or what we are doing - our minds cannot stretch beyond its present boundaries. And as we learn, we have those moments when we are actually growing in the Spirit, and we feel it, but then, it becomes repetitive, some people then 'fit God into a routine', we do not have the understanding for scripture we keep coming across, we try to analyze it ourselves, we know something is missing, something is going horribly wrong, yet we cannot place a finger on it. Our Christianity is simply: precept upon precept, line upon line, here a little, there a little.
The funny thing about it is that God says with stammering lips and another tongue, He speaks to this people. I just got the understanding right now. Basically, God keeps repeating himself like babies do, till we understand, because that is the only way that we get it, as baby Christians. He keeps saying da da, ma ma, ta ta, yet we want to fly when we do not know how to crawl. We want to quote the quoteables and break down scripture, but we are still yet to get the ta ta and the da da, and in time, we lose that fire.
But really why do we just not get it. If you read the verses before verse 9, God talks about his people, the ones set apart to be used by him (that applies to all Christians btw..) being swallowed up by wine, erring in vision, stumbling in judgment. But more than that, the tables are filthy, covered up in vomit. That is our mind. The filthy table. How can a student learn with that kind of table, the vomit would find its way to the pages of the book, making the book unreadable. We read the Word, but we do not see it, we do not understand. Our minds do not let it happen. But we go on, and inevitably, we fall backwards, become broken and snared and caught. We then want to call up our friends that a month ago we decided to spend less time with, we find ourselves back in clubs, grinding away and drinking ourselves to stupor. Some become simply restless, trying to study the Word, but it feels like beating a dead horse. Those thoughts are forming in our minds again and we are saying "get behind me satan", but uh uh...to where?
In essence, we are not bad people, but our minds are carnal. Our 'eyes' are bad, and great darkness dwells within such that we do not feel like Christians, like we did the hour we first believed. But God is looking at us, as we struggle in our own blood and saying to us 'Live!' (Ez 16). We must gird up the loins of our mind, and refuse to conform to the former lusts, as we did in the days of our ignorance (1 Peter 1:13), resisting the devil, knowing that other Christians experience the same. (1 Peter 5:8-10). But importantly, and this has helped me a lot, pray to God bluntly...stop manufacturing lines that sound like 'prayer lines' and just talk to Him. I tell God straight up, "today Lord, I feel like I'm one step away, I was even thinking about him, that him, I don't know why I do these things, but I know I shouldn't, I was thinking it throughout, but everything reminded me of him. I could even smell him, but it's all lust, now even my hormones are all worked up, I truly feel 1 step away from feeling completely lost, I don't even understand all I've read all morning, where are you? Speak peace to me, and bring me back to where I should be." That does not sound like the prayer that comes from the pulpit on Sundays, but it is a prayer. Allow yourself to be intimate w/your God, your Father. I tell you, he is reaaaaally real.
But if there's nothing else you get from this blog, get this: the need the love of the father in you. I'll talk more about that in the next blog.
And remember, it is only diligent people who find him. Enjoy the rest of your journey.
Much love!!!
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