Hello Peoples!!!
What's 'rappening???
I'm in such a good mood this morning...wow!
Ok, let me slow down and give you the background.
I don't know if someone out there is going through this, or goes through it, "gets it", overcomes and is then back to phase one. But here it goes:
So, since last year, God has been convicting me (intensely at that) of a particular sin. Again, people say big sin, small sin, all is sin, but sometimes, when it comes to you, you figure that somehow somehow, it really shouldn't matter at all and God can not seriously be sweating me over this issue. To me, there were other bigger matters...like growing my faith to believe I can pray over impossible problems and something would happen...I mean, there were just Other matters.
This "little", "trivial" issue was more of a mental sin. I guess I did not attribute much importance to it because it wasn't an "action". Besides, when I got convicted, instead of facing it squarely, I went with the well, it's the devil's thoughts, not mine argument. FAIL.
But mental sins are important. When I was talking to a friend who is now a pastor (still shocked), I was trying to articulate it to her to make her see that it was an impossibility and the words that came out of my mouth to describe it was "habits of the mind". I believe the Holy Spirit dropped that 'cause I wasn't being very articulate in the conversation if you ask me. But that phrase just captured the whole concept. Habits of the mind. I was asking my friend if God broke the old habits of her mind and she told me yes without missing a beat. We were quiet for a while, then she said, Yes, (my name), He did, believe me He would do it.
But a part of me just wasn't placing much importance on it even though God would show me scripture like "But your iniquities have separated you from your God, And your sins have hidden his face from you, so that He will not hear." Hidden His face from me??? What??? and then I would freak out and ask for forgiveness for ALL things I may have done wrong but I just wasn't really repenting.
He would say, "Guard your heart, for out of it flows the issue of life". I would agree, but...life goes on...
He would say, "apply your heart to instruction, let your heart be wise and my heart would rejoice." That last part would get me sober, but by noon, I'm back to selfville.
Yesterday in the afternoon, on my way back home, I was flipping through scripture on my bible and the Holy Spirit just had it in for me. I was playing with translations and the first one I picked was God's Word translation and just look what He said "You were taught to change the way you were living. The person you used to be would ruin you through desires that deceive you" (Eph 4:22). Prior to seeing this scripture God had been taking me on a tour of the bible showing me just how futile this life is and what was His desire for man. That scripture just hit the whole thing for me. Wow!
I had to wean myself of the old mentality, and I did not know how. If you read Mind Purge, you would probably see the inter battle going on in me. I didn't want to go through the "effort" of completely pretty much resetting my mind, my attitude, my view on life and apply it to God's own plan. That included my view on the future I had planned for myself. God wasn't scrapping it, but more like resetting a GPS device to its default setting (the inner setting designed by God, God's plan). And I knew it was going to be tough. That meant a lot of the ideals I have created for myself, the image I portray, everything about me and my life that I knew was going to be based on a completely different foundation. I guess what freaked me out the most was the realization that anything short of God's designs opened doors for demons. If you don't believe me... don't try it, I know. It's not fun to be accosted by demons, believe me.
The thing there was that God told me in more ways than one that it would ruin me and He should me how demons would pretty much do it. He showed me through dreams, there are four that I clearly remember now. In one, an angel referred to it as the "bondage of sin and pride". I never thought of my thinking as bondage. Just last week, on the train to school, the Holy Spirit was ministering to my heart and as I came out of the subway station and I looked at people, I clearly understood what He meant. He used the word "enslavement", and another word that I can't completely articulate what he meant was "worth". He showed me my worth to Him that day. The worth of humanity to Him. Weeks earlier I had written down "Creation is beautiful, and the creation story is a love story", but I didn't completely get it till last week. I came home and God made me read Gen 1 (I said made, yes, there's a story behind that) and I cried. My goodness, crying over let there be light...
If you can't tell, some serious revelation was going on and I could feel how God's heart was heavy, was bleeding for man. Just because of man. And all he wanted was for me to change my thinking so that I do not remain enslaved. I pray God shows you how, because I do not want to explain.
But I didn't know just how. Just how to do it. To be practical, I had to ask how to begin. No clue!
Today, God showed me Romans 5. I suggest you read the whole passage with the message translation. Heavy. I had heard this all of my life, but I just didn't grab (to use a Nigerian slang). And even now, I still do not grab the depths, but dang!
Then God led me to a website and here's pretty much a summary I got from there on walking out of sin that I would like to share:
The first point showed that our calling was completely and only, God's choice. We, in turn, have to remember His choice, His act of love and mercy every day of our lives. Brethren, never forget that our coming out of sin is an act of God!!!
The second point involved choice, on our part, as to whether or not we will answer the calling. Many are called, but few are chosen.
The third point involved power sharing—from God's right hand to ours. This power sharing is designed to give birth to choice, a choice on our part, to cooperate with God, in the salvation process.
The fourth point discussed, remembering the right hand of God during the difficult periods of our life. Our journey will be marred with many difficulties and trials, which intellectually we know are designed to perfect us. However, these are some of the most difficult times to remember God's loving care. God assures us, as He did the Israelites, that by the power of His right hand He will see us through.
The last point clearly showed that salvation is given by the most powerful hand in the universe—the right hand of God.
Read more: http://bibletools.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Audio.Details/ID/1948/Gods-Right-Hand.htm#ixzz0kb7R59QH
I suggest you go back and read to whole article.
But more importantly, I pray that the veils on our hearts would be lifted so that we can get the revelation, and walk in God's wisdom.
Best of the day!
Much Love.
P.s.: If you've fallen off, go back to seeking Him. You have no idea how much He desires you. Read that word again - Desire. He desires you more than you desire Him or could possibly do. In fact he says "My dove is hiding behind the rocks, behind an outcrop on the cliff. Let me see your face; let me hear your voice. For your voice is pleasant, and your face is lovely". There is nothing like a Father-daughter relationship, and nothing like a Father-son relationship (as God intends, cause some people have seen hell), and there's nothing like having that with your heavenly Father. Even Jesus said "For your heavenly Father loves you" (somewhere in John 15/16/17 lol). Go back to enjoying your relationship with your heavenly Father.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Deep calls unto deep
So, you are at home or work. Restless, tired or maybe wanting to multi-task and you want to listen to good music, but you are about tired of what you have. Don't worry I have a 20 min treat for you. Just sit, plug in your earphone, or use your speakers, whatever works...and listen...
Monday, April 5, 2010
Mind purge
I'm sharing/purging now...so prepare. Usually, I wait till God has worked out what He is doing at that stage in my life, but right now, I want to pour it out even as it is raw, and describe the emotions just as they are. It's a bit of a roller coaster, so prepare.
P.s.: It may just be a bit incoherent, but I'm sure some of you have felt like this before, or you may even be in this place now.
P.s.s.: Linda Ikeji, thanks for the thumbs up, it feels good, lol. But honestly, it does!
I want you.
I have never wanted anyone like this.
Never felt almost possessive, it is scary.
But I still want you,
More than anything else,
I just do not want the pain, the torture, the mental weaning that comes with self-sacrificing.
You require self-sacrifice, and I understand now that you do not just demand it from me just because,
but because you love me so much, you desire truth in my inward parts.
You said if my heart is wise, your heart would rejoice.
You said I should apply my heart to your instruction, and not stay resolute and harden my heart.
And you know what, I want to.
As I think about it, as I meditate on the Truth, on Life from your perspective, on your desires, I want to apply the whole of my heart to it. To live in it and to just BE in it.
But it is difficult!
It is difficult to remain quiet when they just don't understand and it hurts.
Not just because of what they say, but because of who they are to me. It hurts.
It is difficult to trust You and rest when I want to cry instead, and there's a voice telling me to give up and stick with what I know. It is difficult to ignore it even though I know it's the liar. How do I act like I never heard it in the first place? Like I didn't feel that way? It is difficult!
It is difficult to pour out my affections on You constantly, and to set my love on you, when I also have other interests. Though, they are momentarily, I cannot deny I did not want to go back into the, for the lack of a better word, game.
It is difficult.
It is difficult to deny the old man, the old creature, my flesh, it's desires.
Then you tell me to trust you, and not myself.
Not my "strategizing", not my willpower, but You.
Lord, I have never, ever trusted anyone with ALL of my heart before.
Just how do I begin?
What do I think?
My mind has a mind of its own, you know.
Really, just where do I start?
Then you tell me all you want is for me to be willing.
You share with me even more secrets and my heart clenches violently within.
A piercing scream is held restrained on the inside, in my innermost parts.
I want you, but the pain...
And I realize, I have not seen nothing yet.
But You are not oblivious, and I am not alone.
You have assured me of causing me to triumph in all things,
and You fill me with Peace, Your Peace, Your kind of Peace, in the midst of it all.
There is still a general sense of sadness, soberness, anticipation...it's peaceful, it's calm, yet...
But I LOVE You still, and I STILL want to be with you always.
Draw me closer Daddy.
P.s.: It may just be a bit incoherent, but I'm sure some of you have felt like this before, or you may even be in this place now.
P.s.s.: Linda Ikeji, thanks for the thumbs up, it feels good, lol. But honestly, it does!
I want you.
I have never wanted anyone like this.
Never felt almost possessive, it is scary.
But I still want you,
More than anything else,
I just do not want the pain, the torture, the mental weaning that comes with self-sacrificing.
You require self-sacrifice, and I understand now that you do not just demand it from me just because,
but because you love me so much, you desire truth in my inward parts.
You said if my heart is wise, your heart would rejoice.
You said I should apply my heart to your instruction, and not stay resolute and harden my heart.
And you know what, I want to.
As I think about it, as I meditate on the Truth, on Life from your perspective, on your desires, I want to apply the whole of my heart to it. To live in it and to just BE in it.
But it is difficult!
It is difficult to remain quiet when they just don't understand and it hurts.
Not just because of what they say, but because of who they are to me. It hurts.
It is difficult to trust You and rest when I want to cry instead, and there's a voice telling me to give up and stick with what I know. It is difficult to ignore it even though I know it's the liar. How do I act like I never heard it in the first place? Like I didn't feel that way? It is difficult!
It is difficult to pour out my affections on You constantly, and to set my love on you, when I also have other interests. Though, they are momentarily, I cannot deny I did not want to go back into the, for the lack of a better word, game.
It is difficult.
It is difficult to deny the old man, the old creature, my flesh, it's desires.
Then you tell me to trust you, and not myself.
Not my "strategizing", not my willpower, but You.
Lord, I have never, ever trusted anyone with ALL of my heart before.
Just how do I begin?
What do I think?
My mind has a mind of its own, you know.
Really, just where do I start?
Then you tell me all you want is for me to be willing.
You share with me even more secrets and my heart clenches violently within.
A piercing scream is held restrained on the inside, in my innermost parts.
I want you, but the pain...
And I realize, I have not seen nothing yet.
But You are not oblivious, and I am not alone.
You have assured me of causing me to triumph in all things,
and You fill me with Peace, Your Peace, Your kind of Peace, in the midst of it all.
There is still a general sense of sadness, soberness, anticipation...it's peaceful, it's calm, yet...
But I LOVE You still, and I STILL want to be with you always.
Draw me closer Daddy.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Some songs
Hello Y'all!!!
It's been a long minute. Bloggers try oh, it's a real responsibility to this, some even do it daily. My hat's off to you.
Oh well, I would like to share some of the songs that I play every now and then. See, this is important for me because when I started to pursue the knowledge of God and desire intimacy with Him, I found that I didn't like the worship songs that came my way because they were well...worship songs. Now, I'm not a huge rap fan, but bobby jones gospel wasn't really me either. It didn't take long for me to play my "regular" songs back then, that was what...about this time a year ago? Anyways, fast forward to now and I see how lust and sexual immorality can breed within us off the songs we listen to. I used to laugh it off, but I know it for sure now! Oh did I mention how I went clubbing in Lagos this past Christmas and well, lol, I could not club, I just couldn't do it. I could literally hear demons speak through the songs, I wanted to fleeeee...Ok, let me chill and tell you guys the whole story.
Ok, So the day before Christmas eve, I remember b/c as my mom says, you cannot cheat sleep, and I learned that very well that day b/c "men of God" (ok, well, I guess they are) came in early in the morning and I had to come downstairs after roughly 2 hrs of sleep b/c I had just come in from clubbing, and my oh my, they had come to pray EARLY, ok 8 am, but still...and before I knew it, guests were coming in like crazy (we had a party that day), so I didn't go back to sleep till late, and I mean LATE. In fact I was in the middle of a friendly Canada vs. UK argument and I don't know how, what or when, but I just got up, went upstairs, and sleeeeppppptttt!!!. The next day, I saw my friend, she was in shock that I could just leave her like that and sleep, lol eya!
Back to the story! Lol, so, my sister comes in and tells me my neighbor and some friends are going out, I'm like cool...
She then asks if I'm coming. Now, I know one of them already thinks I'm a snob, and by the way, I was feeling restless so I said to myself, why not? Killing two birds w one stone right?
So, I get dressed, we leave at midnight because, instead of getting dressed right after my sister came in, I fell asleep, only to wake up when everyone was downstairs. I should have know that was a sign and just allowed myself to sleep peacefully but no...
So we leave, and ok, I'm not too good with the names of streets in Lagos, but I can describe it well well lol. Ok, so u know where Tribeca is and the other street at a right angle to it when u go turning at the roundabout? The Zenith bank one? Yep, we kept on going back and forth on those two streets for roughly two hours, parking and un-parking, dealing w traffic, and dealing w the police wanting to chat up a ride full of girls...not fun!
When we got to a club, it would be drrrryyyy! Then we would leave and drive somewhere else (...no, we cannot be walking in heels like that; the distance is short when you are in a car, but when you are in heels, they are looonnggg). And as soon as we got else where, the place would be full of people...as in HUMANSSS, like a flood. The smell..ugh! Then someone would call and be like the place we just left is live, we would go back, by then it would be full of PEOPLEEEE hustling to enter...gosh! And we did that back and forth checking about about 3/4 (not sure) clubs on those two streets. Then some guys called us and said we should come to cliente (mehn, that one is full of gay people. I said it, therefore it is the official gay club), needless to say, in between very, very douchy pick-up lines, and a club full of sweating, dancing men and some women, we knew what time it was. Back to Tribeca...oh, at this point, I saw Ikechukwu and sauce-kid, I know they are supposedly hot, but they look scary in person, why was IK walking about shirtless???
Oh well, back at tribeca's gate full of people, including two agbayas in a really really nice ride lol. But seriously, a guy that old and bald with protruding stomach should not be clubbing w girls 10/15/20 years younger. Felt weird. What was even weirder, was that I just hugged a friend, and when these guys drove in, she hug him and said "Hi, UNCLE!" I could not hide it...clubbing w ur uncle in the same club??? AWKWARD!!! But I guess it's normal for some people :)
Ok, we got into Tribeca, the one people said was live about half an hour ago, and it was just...what it was. People sitting, smoking, looking pretty, looking tough, that's all. I could not hide my feelings any longer, I was hot, my make-up felt disgusting, my ankles were hurting, I was tired. Not funny at all!
So, we left, and then a friend calls and says we should come to insomnia, off to Awolowo we go and ta-da, it's LIVE...one problem, JUVIES. I felt like a major agbaya! to top it off, we got to one of those lounges on the side and my juvies from high school, and not by a year, were in there, all HIGH, LOUD and OBNOXIOUS. I hugged them and acted cool, but seriously, I was out of place. My sister who got me out to club had the most irritated look on her face by that time. My neighbor on the other hand, found it funny. She was friends with them and that was the only seating area available so we had to chill. Around 5 am (we were in there for about an hour), we head back home, but first, after trying so hard to drag my neighbor out. Worst night out ever. I told some of my friends, I guess God seriously had it in for me that night. Sorry, for those in my entourage, they had to "suffer" for me. It was a Jonah situation. They next time they went out, I didn't. I sat my ass at home, in fact, I was sleeping when they were leaving and I heard they had fun...guess my clubbing days are truly, truly officially over.
But back to the main point, while at insonmia, where all I could do was sit, I understood the power behind songs. They minister. It was like bellowing commands out to people and watching them act like a bunch of puppets. Now, I don't mean to be harsh, if you can't tell, I used to club, no I used to paarrrtayy lol. I can't remember what the song was but when it came on, it was like perversity just poured itself over the people, and let me get this point through. My Nigerian male friends in Toronto would tell u that in Toronto, the girls are wild. When you go clubbing, it's always "live". A guy said this in plain english: it disgusts him the way they flirt and club, and this guy is far from being "holy" lol. You get my point. Now, for a hot blooded Nigerian male in his 20s to say that, you realize the "background in clubbing" I had in mind, so to see these people go off like that, it was...different. And when the song wound down, the "thing" whatever it was that was in the air was still there but it was like coming out of a climax. I was done, I was ready to goooo. Songs do minister to people's soul.
I remember my first couple of months and when God was leading me off the songs on my playlist, I fought it hard. Then one day, I went on youtube, I don't remember what song it was but as soon as I began to play it, I felt a shift in my insides. Even my lower waist that I wasn't paying any attention to prior to when I played the song felt so sexy, all I wanted to do was whine. I wanted to CLUB. By the way, I don't pay particular attention to any body part, but in that moment, it felt, for a lack of a better word, highlighted.
Pretty much, what you feed the spirit of your mind do matter, and that said, here are some of the songs that I would like to share:
BeBe and CeCe Winans - Grace: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEU86TsUDWE
Tye Tribbett and the GA - Son of Man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzQuwfoeTx8
Tye Tribbett and the GA - Chasing after you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrDqi7HQzUc
Misty Edwards - Arms wide open : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ZCIp0HiRo
Knine - Never Alone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TDCGdwcsOM
The Ambassador - Gimme that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rytwGHd3iDw
Paul Wilbur - Let the weight of your glory: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68vJoH3GLJo
Paul Wilbur - For your name is Holy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6FE8d05vpE
Manafest - Everytime you run: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-egyFN9aS0
Manafest - Avalanche: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QfhhbRy05A
Chris Tomlin - How great is our God: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OsyiGgSlqY&feature=fvw
Chris Tomlin - Indescribable: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-zJHgaoVa4
Paul Wilbur - Days of Elijah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra4HWj1jrJA
Paul Wilbur - The Shout of El Shaddai: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDhIOpnyVZE&feature=related
Donnie McClurkin - I call you Faithful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VMAdu-HKQ8
Donnie McClurkin - We fall down: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0tX_ctp0Gs
Flame - To my heart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Stl1W2ArK-Y
Marvin Sapp - Never could have made it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWrGjzBheno
Vicki Yohe - Because of who you are: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6WexG9uAJI&feature=related
unknown - Draw me close to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLNL49TFC_8&feature=fvw
Hillsong - We the redeemed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzDLLd21FjU
Hillsong - Yahweh:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRIRrMcVb6I
Hillsong - I will exalt You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoUy88Pcf90
Hillsong - And his glory appears: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVNWCATP1WU
Hillsong - desert song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE33ejdgWIY
Hillsong - All I need is you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-UDWk6e_aE
Todd Bangz - Not for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7rd3us-mBE
Todd Bangz - Breathe you last (can't find it on utube)
Phanatik - Shot Clock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZXQQ0_hiyI
Hillsong (Brooke Fraser) - Nothing but the blood of Jesus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=iBlAD3lxRrc
Ahhhh.......there's more, but dang, that's a lot!
And finally, check out this site: www.myspiritualchemistry.com
It's been a long minute. Bloggers try oh, it's a real responsibility to this, some even do it daily. My hat's off to you.
Oh well, I would like to share some of the songs that I play every now and then. See, this is important for me because when I started to pursue the knowledge of God and desire intimacy with Him, I found that I didn't like the worship songs that came my way because they were well...worship songs. Now, I'm not a huge rap fan, but bobby jones gospel wasn't really me either. It didn't take long for me to play my "regular" songs back then, that was what...about this time a year ago? Anyways, fast forward to now and I see how lust and sexual immorality can breed within us off the songs we listen to. I used to laugh it off, but I know it for sure now! Oh did I mention how I went clubbing in Lagos this past Christmas and well, lol, I could not club, I just couldn't do it. I could literally hear demons speak through the songs, I wanted to fleeeee...Ok, let me chill and tell you guys the whole story.
Ok, So the day before Christmas eve, I remember b/c as my mom says, you cannot cheat sleep, and I learned that very well that day b/c "men of God" (ok, well, I guess they are) came in early in the morning and I had to come downstairs after roughly 2 hrs of sleep b/c I had just come in from clubbing, and my oh my, they had come to pray EARLY, ok 8 am, but still...and before I knew it, guests were coming in like crazy (we had a party that day), so I didn't go back to sleep till late, and I mean LATE. In fact I was in the middle of a friendly Canada vs. UK argument and I don't know how, what or when, but I just got up, went upstairs, and sleeeeppppptttt!!!. The next day, I saw my friend, she was in shock that I could just leave her like that and sleep, lol eya!
Back to the story! Lol, so, my sister comes in and tells me my neighbor and some friends are going out, I'm like cool...
She then asks if I'm coming. Now, I know one of them already thinks I'm a snob, and by the way, I was feeling restless so I said to myself, why not? Killing two birds w one stone right?
So, I get dressed, we leave at midnight because, instead of getting dressed right after my sister came in, I fell asleep, only to wake up when everyone was downstairs. I should have know that was a sign and just allowed myself to sleep peacefully but no...
So we leave, and ok, I'm not too good with the names of streets in Lagos, but I can describe it well well lol. Ok, so u know where Tribeca is and the other street at a right angle to it when u go turning at the roundabout? The Zenith bank one? Yep, we kept on going back and forth on those two streets for roughly two hours, parking and un-parking, dealing w traffic, and dealing w the police wanting to chat up a ride full of girls...not fun!
When we got to a club, it would be drrrryyyy! Then we would leave and drive somewhere else (...no, we cannot be walking in heels like that; the distance is short when you are in a car, but when you are in heels, they are looonnggg). And as soon as we got else where, the place would be full of people...as in HUMANSSS, like a flood. The smell..ugh! Then someone would call and be like the place we just left is live, we would go back, by then it would be full of PEOPLEEEE hustling to enter...gosh! And we did that back and forth checking about about 3/4 (not sure) clubs on those two streets. Then some guys called us and said we should come to cliente (mehn, that one is full of gay people. I said it, therefore it is the official gay club), needless to say, in between very, very douchy pick-up lines, and a club full of sweating, dancing men and some women, we knew what time it was. Back to Tribeca...oh, at this point, I saw Ikechukwu and sauce-kid, I know they are supposedly hot, but they look scary in person, why was IK walking about shirtless???
Oh well, back at tribeca's gate full of people, including two agbayas in a really really nice ride lol. But seriously, a guy that old and bald with protruding stomach should not be clubbing w girls 10/15/20 years younger. Felt weird. What was even weirder, was that I just hugged a friend, and when these guys drove in, she hug him and said "Hi, UNCLE!" I could not hide it...clubbing w ur uncle in the same club??? AWKWARD!!! But I guess it's normal for some people :)
Ok, we got into Tribeca, the one people said was live about half an hour ago, and it was just...what it was. People sitting, smoking, looking pretty, looking tough, that's all. I could not hide my feelings any longer, I was hot, my make-up felt disgusting, my ankles were hurting, I was tired. Not funny at all!
So, we left, and then a friend calls and says we should come to insomnia, off to Awolowo we go and ta-da, it's LIVE...one problem, JUVIES. I felt like a major agbaya! to top it off, we got to one of those lounges on the side and my juvies from high school, and not by a year, were in there, all HIGH, LOUD and OBNOXIOUS. I hugged them and acted cool, but seriously, I was out of place. My sister who got me out to club had the most irritated look on her face by that time. My neighbor on the other hand, found it funny. She was friends with them and that was the only seating area available so we had to chill. Around 5 am (we were in there for about an hour), we head back home, but first, after trying so hard to drag my neighbor out. Worst night out ever. I told some of my friends, I guess God seriously had it in for me that night. Sorry, for those in my entourage, they had to "suffer" for me. It was a Jonah situation. They next time they went out, I didn't. I sat my ass at home, in fact, I was sleeping when they were leaving and I heard they had fun...guess my clubbing days are truly, truly officially over.
But back to the main point, while at insonmia, where all I could do was sit, I understood the power behind songs. They minister. It was like bellowing commands out to people and watching them act like a bunch of puppets. Now, I don't mean to be harsh, if you can't tell, I used to club, no I used to paarrrtayy lol. I can't remember what the song was but when it came on, it was like perversity just poured itself over the people, and let me get this point through. My Nigerian male friends in Toronto would tell u that in Toronto, the girls are wild. When you go clubbing, it's always "live". A guy said this in plain english: it disgusts him the way they flirt and club, and this guy is far from being "holy" lol. You get my point. Now, for a hot blooded Nigerian male in his 20s to say that, you realize the "background in clubbing" I had in mind, so to see these people go off like that, it was...different. And when the song wound down, the "thing" whatever it was that was in the air was still there but it was like coming out of a climax. I was done, I was ready to goooo. Songs do minister to people's soul.
I remember my first couple of months and when God was leading me off the songs on my playlist, I fought it hard. Then one day, I went on youtube, I don't remember what song it was but as soon as I began to play it, I felt a shift in my insides. Even my lower waist that I wasn't paying any attention to prior to when I played the song felt so sexy, all I wanted to do was whine. I wanted to CLUB. By the way, I don't pay particular attention to any body part, but in that moment, it felt, for a lack of a better word, highlighted.
Pretty much, what you feed the spirit of your mind do matter, and that said, here are some of the songs that I would like to share:
BeBe and CeCe Winans - Grace: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEU86TsUDWE
Tye Tribbett and the GA - Son of Man: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzQuwfoeTx8
Tye Tribbett and the GA - Chasing after you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jrDqi7HQzUc
Misty Edwards - Arms wide open : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ZCIp0HiRo
Knine - Never Alone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TDCGdwcsOM
The Ambassador - Gimme that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rytwGHd3iDw
Paul Wilbur - Let the weight of your glory: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68vJoH3GLJo
Paul Wilbur - For your name is Holy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6FE8d05vpE
Manafest - Everytime you run: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-egyFN9aS0
Manafest - Avalanche: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QfhhbRy05A
Chris Tomlin - How great is our God: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0OsyiGgSlqY&feature=fvw
Chris Tomlin - Indescribable: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-zJHgaoVa4
Paul Wilbur - Days of Elijah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ra4HWj1jrJA
Paul Wilbur - The Shout of El Shaddai: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LDhIOpnyVZE&feature=related
Donnie McClurkin - I call you Faithful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VMAdu-HKQ8
Donnie McClurkin - We fall down: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0tX_ctp0Gs
Flame - To my heart: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Stl1W2ArK-Y
Marvin Sapp - Never could have made it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWrGjzBheno
Vicki Yohe - Because of who you are: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6WexG9uAJI&feature=related
unknown - Draw me close to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mLNL49TFC_8&feature=fvw
Hillsong - We the redeemed: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzDLLd21FjU
Hillsong - Yahweh:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRIRrMcVb6I
Hillsong - I will exalt You: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hoUy88Pcf90
Hillsong - And his glory appears: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVNWCATP1WU
Hillsong - desert song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE33ejdgWIY
Hillsong - All I need is you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-UDWk6e_aE
Todd Bangz - Not for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G7rd3us-mBE
Todd Bangz - Breathe you last (can't find it on utube)
Phanatik - Shot Clock: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZXQQ0_hiyI
Hillsong (Brooke Fraser) - Nothing but the blood of Jesus: http://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=iBlAD3lxRrc
Ahhhh.......there's more, but dang, that's a lot!
And finally, check out this site: www.myspiritualchemistry.com
I am naked before you (My heart is fragile)
My heart...
My real heart...
The one that's hidden, deeply buried underneath the clothes, the external gestures, the words that come out of my seemingly harmless lips, underneath the icy, sometimes ambiguous eyes, clothed beneath layers of Nefertiti-like pride. That heart is fragile.
Fragile because she is precious,
she wishes to remain unmaimed,
she wishes to love and be loved
but never feel pain, never know loss, insecurity, hurt.
But she is not hidden from you,
and if I think her to be extremely precious, you deem her to be worth more.
You deem me to be worth more.
What can I give in exchange for a soul? All the wealth of the world?
Why did you create man to be so? Is that your image?
Is that how you are? How you feel?
Then you must be brave to love me.
To love us all.
My real heart...
The one that's hidden, deeply buried underneath the clothes, the external gestures, the words that come out of my seemingly harmless lips, underneath the icy, sometimes ambiguous eyes, clothed beneath layers of Nefertiti-like pride. That heart is fragile.
Fragile because she is precious,
she wishes to remain unmaimed,
she wishes to love and be loved
but never feel pain, never know loss, insecurity, hurt.
But she is not hidden from you,
and if I think her to be extremely precious, you deem her to be worth more.
You deem me to be worth more.
What can I give in exchange for a soul? All the wealth of the world?
Why did you create man to be so? Is that your image?
Is that how you are? How you feel?
Then you must be brave to love me.
To love us all.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
OPEN HEART SURGERY by James MacDonald
I want to share from my devotional, hope it helps you as much as it has helped me.
Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.
Hebrews 3:7-8
I had heart surgery this week. Not the blood-pumping, valve-oriented, physical kind; my soul went under the scalpel that pierces the soul and judges the thoughts and intentions of the heart. The passage I was looking at was in Mark 4, the parable of the sower and soils. This story is about one thing - how the Word of God intersects a person's heart.
Jesus compares our hearts to different conditions of soil. The first is the hard heart: "These are the ones who are beside the road where the Word is sown; and when they hear, immediately Satan comes and the Word which has been sown in them" (Mark 4:15, NASB). Maybe you can relate. Do you find yourself saying, "I read God's Word and an hour later I can't remember what it said"? Diagnosis: You have a hard heart. The soil is so packed down that as soon as the seed is sown, the enemy snatches it away.
"But how did my heart get so hard?" Consider these four ways:
The first way to harden your heart is to run. If when you feel convicted by God's Word you say, "I don't want this" and shut down, after a while your heart's going to get hard.
Another way to harden your heart is to deny what you hear. You know that God wants you to forgive people who hurt you, but you refuse to. Instead you carry around a bag of bitterness, denying or rationalizing why God's command doesn't apply to you.
Maybe your heart's distracted. You hear God's Word but you think about someone else who needs it instead.
But here's what concerns me most: sometimes your heart is hardened by apathy. You say "amen" in church or, "Yes, pastor, what you're teaching is true and we really need to hear it," but then you go out and do nothing about it.
How willing are you to receive truth and sort through whatever you have to in order to get to the parts that God would say to you? The test is how you respond to truth.
So if your heart is open, I encourage you to do a self-exam. Ask God to show you your heart's condition and give you insight into how you might grow. This kind of heart surgery brings healing and life. Receive the seed of God's truth; allow it to sink into the soft soil of a tender heart toward God.
Journal:
What's the condition of my heart? Hard? Distracted? Apathetic?
How willing am I to receive truth?
Prayer:
Lord, do what You must to break up the hard ground around my heart. Show me where I must humble myself and then help me to do it.
I want your healing and life inside of me. Thank You in advance for the fullness of Your Spirit alive in me. Amen.
By James MacDonald. Open Heart Surgery in Our Journey (November 2009).
The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever
The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether,
More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
Moreover by them Your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward.
Psalm 19:7-11
Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.
Hebrews 3:7-8
I had heart surgery this week. Not the blood-pumping, valve-oriented, physical kind; my soul went under the scalpel that pierces the soul and judges the thoughts and intentions of the heart. The passage I was looking at was in Mark 4, the parable of the sower and soils. This story is about one thing - how the Word of God intersects a person's heart.
Jesus compares our hearts to different conditions of soil. The first is the hard heart: "These are the ones who are beside the road where the Word is sown; and when they hear, immediately Satan comes and the Word which has been sown in them" (Mark 4:15, NASB). Maybe you can relate. Do you find yourself saying, "I read God's Word and an hour later I can't remember what it said"? Diagnosis: You have a hard heart. The soil is so packed down that as soon as the seed is sown, the enemy snatches it away.
"But how did my heart get so hard?" Consider these four ways:
The first way to harden your heart is to run. If when you feel convicted by God's Word you say, "I don't want this" and shut down, after a while your heart's going to get hard.
Another way to harden your heart is to deny what you hear. You know that God wants you to forgive people who hurt you, but you refuse to. Instead you carry around a bag of bitterness, denying or rationalizing why God's command doesn't apply to you.
Maybe your heart's distracted. You hear God's Word but you think about someone else who needs it instead.
But here's what concerns me most: sometimes your heart is hardened by apathy. You say "amen" in church or, "Yes, pastor, what you're teaching is true and we really need to hear it," but then you go out and do nothing about it.
How willing are you to receive truth and sort through whatever you have to in order to get to the parts that God would say to you? The test is how you respond to truth.
So if your heart is open, I encourage you to do a self-exam. Ask God to show you your heart's condition and give you insight into how you might grow. This kind of heart surgery brings healing and life. Receive the seed of God's truth; allow it to sink into the soft soil of a tender heart toward God.
Journal:
What's the condition of my heart? Hard? Distracted? Apathetic?
How willing am I to receive truth?
Prayer:
Lord, do what You must to break up the hard ground around my heart. Show me where I must humble myself and then help me to do it.
I want your healing and life inside of me. Thank You in advance for the fullness of Your Spirit alive in me. Amen.
By James MacDonald. Open Heart Surgery in Our Journey (November 2009).
The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul
The testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple
The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart
The commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes
The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever
The judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether,
More to be desired are they than gold,
Yea, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
Moreover by them Your servant is warned,
And in keeping them there is great reward.
Psalm 19:7-11
Psalm 21
This Princess shall have joy in Your strength, O Lord;
and in Your salvation how greatly shall I rejoice!
You have given me my heart's desire,
and have not withheld the request of my lips.
For You meet me with the blessings of goodness;
You set a crown of pure gold upon my head.
I asked Life from You, and You gave it to me-
Length of days forever and ever.
My glory is great in Your salvation;
honor and majesty you have placed upon me.
For You have made me most blessed forever;
You have made me exceedingly glad with You presence.
For this Princess trusts in the Lord,
and through the mercy of the Most High I shall not be moved
Be exalted, O Lord, in Your own strength!
We will sing and praise Your power.
You are beautiful!
and in Your salvation how greatly shall I rejoice!
You have given me my heart's desire,
and have not withheld the request of my lips.
For You meet me with the blessings of goodness;
You set a crown of pure gold upon my head.
I asked Life from You, and You gave it to me-
Length of days forever and ever.
My glory is great in Your salvation;
honor and majesty you have placed upon me.
For You have made me most blessed forever;
You have made me exceedingly glad with You presence.
For this Princess trusts in the Lord,
and through the mercy of the Most High I shall not be moved
Be exalted, O Lord, in Your own strength!
We will sing and praise Your power.
You are beautiful!
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