Friday, April 9, 2010

Woohoo! Breakthrough!!!

Hello Peoples!!!

What's 'rappening???

I'm in such a good mood this!

Ok, let me slow down and give you the background.

I don't know if someone out there is going through this, or goes through it, "gets it", overcomes and is then back to phase one. But here it goes:

So, since last year, God has been convicting me (intensely at that) of a particular sin. Again, people say big sin, small sin, all is sin, but sometimes, when it comes to you, you figure that somehow somehow, it really shouldn't matter at all and God can not seriously be sweating me over this issue. To me, there were other bigger growing my faith to believe I can pray over impossible problems and something would happen...I mean, there were just Other matters.

This "little", "trivial" issue was more of a mental sin. I guess I did not attribute much importance to it because it wasn't an "action". Besides, when I got convicted, instead of facing it squarely, I went with the well, it's the devil's thoughts, not mine argument. FAIL.

But mental sins are important. When I was talking to a friend who is now a pastor (still shocked), I was trying to articulate it to her to make her see that it was an impossibility and the words that came out of my mouth to describe it was "habits of the mind". I believe the Holy Spirit dropped that 'cause I wasn't being very articulate in the conversation if you ask me. But that phrase just captured the whole concept. Habits of the mind. I was asking my friend if God broke the old habits of her mind and she told me yes without missing a beat. We were quiet for a while, then she said, Yes, (my name), He did, believe me He would do it.

But a part of me just wasn't placing much importance on it even though God would show me scripture like "But your iniquities have separated you from your God, And your sins have hidden his face from you, so that He will not hear." Hidden His face from me??? What??? and then I would freak out and ask for forgiveness for ALL things I may have done wrong but I just wasn't really repenting.

He would say, "Guard your heart, for out of it flows the issue of life". I would agree, goes on...

He would say, "apply your heart to instruction, let your heart be wise and my heart would rejoice." That last part would get me sober, but by noon, I'm back to selfville.

Yesterday in the afternoon, on my way back home, I was flipping through scripture on my bible and the Holy Spirit just had it in for me. I was playing with translations and the first one I picked was God's Word translation and just look what He said "You were taught to change the way you were living. The person you used to be would ruin you through desires that deceive you" (Eph 4:22). Prior to seeing this scripture God had been taking me on a tour of the bible showing me just how futile this life is and what was His desire for man. That scripture just hit the whole thing for me. Wow!

I had to wean myself of the old mentality, and I did not know how. If you read Mind Purge, you would probably see the inter battle going on in me. I didn't want to go through the "effort" of completely pretty much resetting my mind, my attitude, my view on life and apply it to God's own plan. That included my view on the future I had planned for myself. God wasn't scrapping it, but more like resetting a GPS device to its default setting (the inner setting designed by God, God's plan). And I knew it was going to be tough. That meant a lot of the ideals I have created for myself, the image I portray, everything about me and my life that I knew was going to be based on a completely different foundation. I guess what freaked me out the most was the realization that anything short of God's designs opened doors for demons. If you don't believe me... don't try it, I know. It's not fun to be accosted by demons, believe me.

The thing there was that God told me in more ways than one that it would ruin me and He should me how demons would pretty much do it. He showed me through dreams, there are four that I clearly remember now. In one, an angel referred to it as the "bondage of sin and pride". I never thought of my thinking as bondage. Just last week, on the train to school, the Holy Spirit was ministering to my heart and as I came out of the subway station and I looked at people, I clearly understood what He meant. He used the word "enslavement", and another word that I can't completely articulate what he meant was "worth". He showed me my worth to Him that day. The worth of humanity to Him. Weeks earlier I had written down "Creation is beautiful, and the creation story is a love story", but I didn't completely get it till last week. I came home and God made me read Gen 1 (I said made, yes, there's a story behind that) and I cried. My goodness, crying over let there be light...

If you can't tell, some serious revelation was going on and I could feel how God's heart was heavy, was bleeding for man. Just because of man. And all he wanted was for me to change my thinking so that I do not remain enslaved. I pray God shows you how, because I do not want to explain.

But I didn't know just how. Just how to do it. To be practical, I had to ask how to begin. No clue!

Today, God showed me Romans 5. I suggest you read the whole passage with the message translation. Heavy. I had heard this all of my life, but I just didn't grab (to use a Nigerian slang). And even now, I still do not grab the depths, but dang!

Then God led me to a website and here's pretty much a summary I got from there on walking out of sin that I would like to share:

The first point showed that our calling was completely and only, God's choice. We, in turn, have to remember His choice, His act of love and mercy every day of our lives. Brethren, never forget that our coming out of sin is an act of God!!!

The second point involved choice, on our part, as to whether or not we will answer the calling. Many are called, but few are chosen.

The third point involved power sharing—from God's right hand to ours. This power sharing is designed to give birth to choice, a choice on our part, to cooperate with God, in the salvation process.

The fourth point discussed, remembering the right hand of God during the difficult periods of our life. Our journey will be marred with many difficulties and trials, which intellectually we know are designed to perfect us. However, these are some of the most difficult times to remember God's loving care. God assures us, as He did the Israelites, that by the power of His right hand He will see us through.

The last point clearly showed that salvation is given by the most powerful hand in the universe—the right hand of God.

Read more:

I suggest you go back and read to whole article.

But more importantly, I pray that the veils on our hearts would be lifted so that we can get the revelation, and walk in God's wisdom.

Best of the day!

Much Love.

P.s.: If you've fallen off, go back to seeking Him. You have no idea how much He desires you. Read that word again - Desire. He desires you more than you desire Him or could possibly do. In fact he says "My dove is hiding behind the rocks, behind an outcrop on the cliff. Let me see your face; let me hear your voice. For your voice is pleasant, and your face is lovely". There is nothing like a Father-daughter relationship, and nothing like a Father-son relationship (as God intends, cause some people have seen hell), and there's nothing like having that with your heavenly Father. Even Jesus said "For your heavenly Father loves you" (somewhere in John 15/16/17 lol). Go back to enjoying your relationship with your heavenly Father.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Deep calls unto deep

So, you are at home or work. Restless, tired or maybe wanting to multi-task and you want to listen to good music, but you are about tired of what you have. Don't worry I have a 20 min treat for you. Just sit, plug in your earphone, or use your speakers, whatever works...and listen...

Monday, April 5, 2010

Mind purge

I'm sharing/purging prepare. Usually, I wait till God has worked out what He is doing at that stage in my life, but right now, I want to pour it out even as it is raw, and describe the emotions just as they are. It's a bit of a roller coaster, so prepare.

P.s.: It may just be a bit incoherent, but I'm sure some of you have felt like this before, or you may even be in this place now.

P.s.s.: Linda Ikeji, thanks for the thumbs up, it feels good, lol. But honestly, it does!

I want you.
I have never wanted anyone like this.
Never felt almost possessive, it is scary.
But I still want you,
More than anything else,
I just do not want the pain, the torture, the mental weaning that comes with self-sacrificing.

You require self-sacrifice, and I understand now that you do not just demand it from me just because,
but because you love me so much, you desire truth in my inward parts.
You said if my heart is wise, your heart would rejoice.
You said I should apply my heart to your instruction, and not stay resolute and harden my heart.
And you know what, I want to.

As I think about it, as I meditate on the Truth, on Life from your perspective, on your desires, I want to apply the whole of my heart to it. To live in it and to just BE in it.
But it is difficult!

It is difficult to remain quiet when they just don't understand and it hurts.
Not just because of what they say, but because of who they are to me. It hurts.

It is difficult to trust You and rest when I want to cry instead, and there's a voice telling me to give up and stick with what I know. It is difficult to ignore it even though I know it's the liar. How do I act like I never heard it in the first place? Like I didn't feel that way? It is difficult!

It is difficult to pour out my affections on You constantly, and to set my love on you, when I also have other interests. Though, they are momentarily, I cannot deny I did not want to go back into the, for the lack of a better word, game.

It is difficult.
It is difficult to deny the old man, the old creature, my flesh, it's desires.

Then you tell me to trust you, and not myself.
Not my "strategizing", not my willpower, but You.

Lord, I have never, ever trusted anyone with ALL of my heart before.
Just how do I begin?
What do I think?
My mind has a mind of its own, you know.
Really, just where do I start?

Then you tell me all you want is for me to be willing.
You share with me even more secrets and my heart clenches violently within.
A piercing scream is held restrained on the inside, in my innermost parts.
I want you, but the pain...

And I realize, I have not seen nothing yet.
But You are not oblivious, and I am not alone.
You have assured me of causing me to triumph in all things,
and You fill me with Peace, Your Peace, Your kind of Peace, in the midst of it all.

There is still a general sense of sadness, soberness,'s peaceful, it's calm, yet...

But I LOVE You still, and I STILL want to be with you always.
Draw me closer Daddy.